catch the wind

[image: hellohappytime]

tired.tired.tired.
but in a good mood :)

I feel like such a silly boob.

Theme for Toast

Ahhhhhhhhhh! I've been living on coffee and ramen for the past couple of days... my tummy feels so funny! I also need a hair cut and a serious shower. And then I want to run around and go nutso in barefeet because I'm listening to Superstylin'. Last chemistry course of the winter term left and I have teach myself spectroscopy tonight. NMR? UV? IR?

PV=nRT everyone!!!
I saw Mr. Currie again today and he looked sorta sad. All I remember is that Ea requires sufficient KE and geometry for the reaction occur. Pollution NOx your SOx off <3

Seattle trip on saturday, which is going to be long and boring =_=
On a random note, I need new bras because the ones I have now are frickin' warped from abuse. Oh yeah, when you get super nervous/anxious (especially during exams), do you feel the need to poo? I swear, there's people farting all over the frickin' place when we're writing a particularly hard exam. It's a little funny.

his beautiful hands

I hold my pillow at night, so tightly for a reason.
Perhaps to convince and comfort myself in knowing
that it was the right thing to do.
A lingering sensation and desire to feel
Those hands run up the side of her body,
well versed and slowly.
We strolled through letters, consonants, and vowels
- every punctuation, pause and space
filled up the room.
As a single breath,
engulfed everything.

Right now, I'm scaredlostconfusedhappyexcitednervous, but not angry. Perhaps I shouldn't have done this in the middle of exams because I feel homesick. Take a deep breath and let your feet take root to the ground.

Please understand that it will take time to trust...

God grant me the Serenity
To accept the things I cannot change
Courage to change the things I can
And Wisdom to know the difference…

--excerpt from Slaughterhouse-Five

Mmmm

<3

catching elated sighs

You, sent out beyond your recall,
go to the limits of your longing.
Flare up like flame
and make big shadows.
Let everything happen to you:
beauty and terror.
Just keep going. No feeling is
final.

--Rilke

3 three trois drei san

[image: moma de louvre]

Eternal sunshine of a spotless mind... I remember how depressed I was after seeing one person's interpretation of fading memories. But now I've realized that it doesn't matter. The colours are still there, fully saturated and vivid.
and there is always the fresh canvas tomorrow.

I am summed up in a tiny box - that chapter in your book. Now I'm doing the same as well. I just smile to myself as I peel your poetry off the wall... and re-read your written letters. They shall all go into a box. Pictures and trinkets... they too, carefully placed away. It's not a process in forgetting. lol, I guess I'm just smiling because wow, what a different time it was.
----------------------------------------------------------

Earlier today I had a 3 year old swear at me repeatedly (as in f u bitch)... My jaw just dropped. lol, that was totally uncalled for though I don't think he knows what on earth he's saying. Oh yeah, I'm also thoroughly screwed for my chemistry final this friday. The sad part is, it's not a hard course. I'm just so looking forward to having it finished. Then I want to go out for girly drinks because I've never had them. Above all, I just need to spend time around new people!

(and discuss matters relating to porno safari adventures)

[image: postsecret]

city kids are silly

After the Bio final today, Alvin and I ate at White Spot to celebrate. Needless to say, the realization of how old we were kinda dawned. Backstreet Boys hit their first peak 10 years ago... that's a frickin' decade ago. My very first addition to my music collection was a cassette of Dance Mix 95 - complete with Macarena. Now when I look at my sister she's got her new rendition of the macarena dance, which seems really silly.

I also remember how every 9 year old thought Coolio's Gangster's Paradise was the coolest rap song ever. (That was when I epitomized my jean jacket and jeans ensemble for that very reason) Mortal Kombat was also the hot movie of the time to us kids and the majority of the guys in grade 4 and 5 dressed up as either Subzero or Scorpion for Halloween. Sonya Blade was cool but dressing up as a bunny rat was even cooler.


Now how cool was a sharped toothed thing shooting out of your hand?
very cool.

"You're going to reap just what you sow"

[image: Trainspotting, movie]

This was my favourite scene in this movie... with Lou Reed's "Perfect Day" playing in the background... and Renton falling into the carpet. (No, I'm not trying to glorify heroin use.)

Then,
He called me today and told me he's got it back.
I just sat there - stunned.

Right now, I feel sort of suspended - and it's not a euphoric feeling.
I only wish to share beauty unbound with everyone and everything
- I love.
I will and I won't stop.

bottom lines.

lock down

All right, 3 more to go:
22 - BIOL 153 (human anatomy/physiology)
27 - SOCI 100
28 - CHEM 205 (physical chemistry)

I'm locking down to (try and) ace the remainder of these bitches. I finally found the calculator that's required lost on my desk somewhere.

-Beaty, I wish you luck on your last exam today! (you're almost there!)
-Gautam, enjoy your trip down to the states (so you won't distract me, lol)
-Seaian (if you ever read this) - get well soon from Bronchitis and keep on taking the antis!
-Garbiel, I hope your mouth's okay - good luck on your last two exams :)

In other news, Beaty stumbled across this Japanese commercial for a PS2 game called "Rez". It looks insane. I still don't know what it's about aside from the fact that it vibrates and a partner is involved.

wir können alles sein sind wir auf uns gestellt

[image: katia]

"Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces,
I would still plant my apple tree."
--Martin Luther King Jr.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"ich bin wegen dir hier
ein Stuck deines Daseins steckt in mir
und ich halt' es so fest doch die Erinnerrung bringt mich um
wir können alles sein sind wir auf uns gestellt."
--lola rennt

:)

the slanderous snake

A petty girl, a petty journal - perhaps my private written journal can be used to throw down the most powerful man on earth. If I said I hated George Dubya for being stupid looking and an obnoxious dickhead, he isn't going to lose any sleep over it. This is the Internet, ladies and gentlemen - his empire is not going to crumble. There are much bigger things to worry about than the petty words of a single individual floating on the interweb. People change, minds change and our attitudes towards people change. What personal vendetta do I have towards you? Do I even know you? What personal power do I possess?

The freedom for self expression. The truth stands on two solid feet and will not bow to ficticious words and ill thought.

This is art. And if I had any particular personal qualms about anyone in particular, I would be talking to the person whom I personally have a bone to pick. But no, I don't hate anyone, I don't speak on behalf of anyone... I am on here for lack of any other direction. Like I said, please read this blog with a grain of salt.

domestic call girl

[image: movie, The Virgin Suicides]

Night after night, there's no point in cleaning yourself up to look presentable. He doesn't want it. Don't live on false hopes, listening to the music within the dancer's globe. Those trinkets are just reminders of the pages before the one you're on now. He's already a chapter ahead.

You were just a small climax in the story once, now a background character. When you hear the words, "Can I see you tonight?"... just hold your breath. Maybe, just maybe.

That's all you have left.
Stay put, stay quiet - there's an apple tree at the fork of the road
to rest your head
maybe fall asleep.

Cross

sit, and be still.
patience is a virtue
and just let it go.

Bright and early for the daily races

Gary Jules - Mad World

Listen

[image: Katia Roberts]

Listen to the Mustn'ts, child,
Listen to the Don'ts
Listen to the Shouldn'ts
The Impossibles, the Won'ts
Listen to the Never Haves,
Then listen close to me --
Anything can happen, child,
Anything can be.

--Shel Silverstein

hmm

[image: David Mack]

SILENCE

I thought I was alone
Until I spoke my secret shame
And saw the tears
That stung my lips
In eyes that were not mine
I heard my secret fears
On other tongues
And found my power
In the first touch
In the first trust
After the violence inflicted
For being
Woman

--Shannan Laktin

Where do babies come from?

[image: Jiuna]
----------------------------------------------

Blog Discretion Warning: I used to keep a journal and write/draw/paint shit in it but I've completely converted onto TEH INTARNET. Sooo, please read with discretion because I mix personal experience, fiction and bullshit on here. And if there's any obtuse disagreement with anything, feel free to e-mail or msn me: stinky_feet77@hotmail.com (shut up, it's from grade 6).

<3,
--Jane

fermentation faggot.

[image: Theme for "Spiral"]

Call me liar.
Call me faggot.
Call me slut and whore.

"Does it make you feel safe?
Does it absolve you of responsibility for your actions?"

Say it to my face and spit while you're at it.

(bullshit talking chink.
they're supposed to be quiet, small - silent.)
---------------------------------------------

Perhaps tangled, lost and confused in this conundrum of systematic bullshit. I don't understand. I couldn't stop crying when I read Lisa's poem, her experience. Now when I reflect... I don't know how to feel whole without letting others down. It's because of the question, "Why?"... I hate it. Whenever anyone asks, I want to show you... prove it that it's real. Cowardly? I'll one up it... think of all the ways to end up on your doorstep, mutilated and broken. Effed up? Congratulations, you're on the golden pedestal higher above everyone else - king or queen of systematic oppression.

None of your business because it isn't you?
When you've seen this for yourself... not the same magnitude? You're part of the problem. Sorry if I offended anyone. Perhaps I should go back to wishing for bigger tits, caucasion skin and a man to please. Oh, and I should stop "bitching" and know my place so you can dominate me. Sorry, if I even asked... I'll let you continue to worry about the size of your dick or how much stronger of a woman you are than anyone else.

But despite everything, please understand... I'm still willing to listen if you're ever hurt and I promise never to ask "Why"?
---------------------------------------------------------

Anyways, rant over. I ate at No. 9's today and man, Chinese fast food is artery clogging but sooo good. <3 noodles and rice forever and ever.

eins zwei drei?

Endocrinology is going to drive me nuts.

Oh, and boys... tubal litigation isn't 100%. The body's natural healing powers can actually reconnect the cauterized end of your vas deferens so your spermies can successfully make the journey out. And as another question, would you guys ever be interested in taking male birth control pills? Works the same way except you're shooting blanks. Aside from condoms and surgery, women have borne the responsibility of taking contraceptives for such a long time. (yargh, reading up on the late 19th century methods involving sticked sponges dipped in a caustic solution of harsh chemicals as a means to wash out your cunny afterwards makes my insides hurt)

And since we're on the topic of man jizz... I'm just curious. In pr0n, dudes seem to be able to pump out ridiculously white semen. From most of the people I've talked to claim to yank out cloudy white/near clearless stuff. I've always figured that saving up would result in a whiter jizz, but I don't think that's the case for the dudes in porn. Answers anyone? lol

ADH

cheeky.
How long have you guys gone without taking a shower? I feel filthy after a day and a half.

Apparatus for facilitating the birth of a child by centrifugal force

Apparatus for facilitating the birth of a child by centrifugal force

Yeah, I know it's terrible. The SUB Arcade is also closing this summer because of the lack of profit. *le sigh* lol, ah well - Beaty did afterall introduce me to that crazy Korean Bashi Bopper machine (basically mad button mashing). He also introduced me to Calpis (which I thought was cow piss for the longest time) and it's super sweet tasting. Needless to say, bubbles in bubble tea aren't for me. I always think that I'm eating tadpoles or something. Thanks for the visit Mr. B! (though this was a few weeks ago, lol)

So, at the moment I'm just sipping away at tea hoping that this uncomfortable full feeling goes away. It scares me to think that I was once capable of eating so much. When I was 12 or so, 2 DQ Ultimate Burgers would be my usual satisfaction after ballet practice. 90 pounds was considered gigantic - another big reason why I had to quit. When the big attempt at the Lord of the Rings marathon was re-celebrated a few years ago, I swear I ate a whole large pizza on my own in one sitting. I used to eat 3 fricking bowls of rice at dinner as a norm. In addition, I still have the occassional night time snack of economy size Kettle chips to busy myself.

My eating habits basically define gluttony. It's disgusting and I clearly understand that. For the past 2 months I have not felt sexy at all and I don't think that feeling is going to change anytime soon unless I start making serious changes to my life. It sounds easy but when I thought about it, I've been binging for as long as I can remember (no, I don't purge) so it's hard. I just hate wasting food. I also understand the importance of doing this healthily so that input = output. Nutrition is integral. yada yada yada...

Anyways, life has sort of reached a plateau. I don't know, blaargh... more next time.

stencil this

I've noticed a bunch of little grafitti stencils around campus. They remind me of Dr. Hofmann and his work left all over the world. Some are really old and some are really new but I took a few photos - there's actually a bunch more and I'm curious as to who's responsible for some of these. I apologize for the extreme crappy quality since I took the images with the cell phone camera. *shrugs* It's nice to notice these little things.


This was found near a crappy dumpster near the Geography building.


Near the UBC Bookstore parking lot


I found a few of these around campus but this one was near the Math Annex


Outside the SUB facing North Parkade


lol, found this one in front of the biological sciences building... it was clearer a few days ago.

katia's brilliance

There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning.
--Louis L'Amour

[image: katia]

fondness

[image: strokethyfrost]

Here's a couple of videos I thought were nostalgically beautiful. Not for everyone's tastes obviously. They made me happy.

http://www.sulkybunny.com/snail.html

http://www.sulkybunny.com/Am.html

"Speling and gramer is fun"

Okay, it's getting late and I really should punch myself in the face for leaving things to last minute as usual. I've got a huge lab write-up due tomorrow even with the extension and I don't start it until 11 pm. I must express my contempt for sifting through goddamn journal articles to find a nugget line or two on general information. Blargh! Still have a discussion, references, abstract and introduction to write out.. *tear tear*

Anyways, so right now I'm munching on these kick ass pop-pan savoury crackers and they're so greasy and yummy.

Furthermore, I'm feeling a little huffed by some classmates when working with them. I don't know, I guess competition is too high or something because purposely sabotaging data and changing numbers around with the assumption that I'm not going to notice doesn't rest too well with me. Should I stop being nice or stop sacrificing so much for the happiness of others? I have *never* meant any ill will or harboured any contempt against anyone for the purpose of standing higher on a pedastal of high social regard. All I ever ask for in anyone is honesty because I will give it to you regardless (this is why I can't be business person). My question first and foremost is, how the hell does one be a mean person? How do you go about achieving that in a way that cuts the heart? Do I stomp on kittens to death? How is it so easy? Is there not a sense of guilt or conscience that irks your own heart?

Anywhoo, I'll shut up now and give you a picture of this avatar I found floating around. I never realized that periods can be so happy-like!