tomorrow

domani
demain
morgen
ming tian

say it again.
no excuses.

infidel-icious!

nothing, you should regret, forget

"O Lovers, completed in
one another, I turn
to you to ask of us.
Is there certainty in your embraces?
Look at it this way...
my hands sometimes recognize each other
and offer sanctuary to my weary face.
This yields some slight sensation.
But what proof of existence is that?"

--Rilke, Excerpt from "The Second Elegy of The Duino Elegies"

samedi!!!

after 22 days in a 4x5 box
home is this way!

After spending the past while writing about barn swallows I'm going nuts. I need to call Erek - it's such a small world. Thus far, I've never been on time for Dr. Coren's class.

the angles of smiles

[image: giurassic]

i catch myself
measuring angles - hypotenuse of mouths
sin wave lips, the symmetry of your smile
calculating the probability
of integrating,
your function,
and mapping the contours of
beauty.

snickers

In the midst of studious silence at the Irving K. Barber centre, that sudden ka-chortle of laughter and giggling would probably be me. Oh PBF, you make me cry.

-----------------------
In other news, I was so surprised to see Hiroshi working at Ichiro the other night. I thought he had gone back to Japan to teach English. Ahhh, bio 200 - good times, lol. On the whole, HKIN looks like so much more fun than Science. Gautam could probably vouch for that. Everyone's graduating so soon! I'm still floating around in biology... I dunno whether to go into Animal Biology, Cell Bi&Genetics or Conservation. The pre-reqs are basically the same. All I know is that after the degree, I want work in the health sciences in some strand of pediatrics... more schooling? Probably. UNBC maybe? I won't lie, Biology is actually fun now. biology geeks ftw \m/ Anyways, degree first, worry later. Do what you love!

liberté

[image: Madsky]

before you die

[image: Madhur Schroff]

make love with a violinist

sleep now in the fire

[image: film still; The Cell]

I feel and look like utter crap right now.
I'm going to explore some of the endowment land trails despite being told never to go trail running alone. The tires on both my bikes at home have flats and I want to run before it gets too cold to do so. Time to get my lard ass moving.

reclining buddhas

[image: zojirushi]

LETTER 90

“When I used to sit up late at night writing in our bed, I was calmed by the sound of your breathing. I would hold my breath and watch your chest rise and fall. I felt like a blind man soothed by the scents and sounds of a garden.

As I lie here in bed writing this letter, there is only the sound of my own breathing.

When I hold my breath, there is only silence.

Tonight I feel like a miner being lowered farther and farther into a dark mine shaft, longing for the scents and sounds of a garden.”

--Gregory Colbert

sleeping beauty syndrome

y'know, I hate the word cunt.
It makes me think of bunt cake shaped vaginas.
ugh, custard filling.

Anyways, happy first day of fall! <3 for the beautiful orgy of colours :)

hoooooo!

lol - so this is Hard Gay in a tv show trying to make social improvements to society.
japanese tv shows are nuts.

haha

lol, the poor kid must be from N. Korea performing for Kim Jong-il

palm to palm

[image: etherealstash]

maybe I should tell the musashi chef you're just on a temporary hiatus
that you'll come back.
as
paper moon
days go
bye.
--------------------------------------------------------

This term is going to be loaded. On top of school, I'm fully loaded with students, joined 2 clubs and going to do advocacy work with sasc. However, I do love my new kids - they're so used to old boring farts teaching them math and science. "Whoa, you know who Steve Vai is?"... "Oh my god, you listen to [so and so], how do you remember math?" ahhhh they're so cute. No more swearing 3 year old kids >: (. though he was cute too, lol

anyways, biochem time.

quando?

[image: bruko]

every curl is a vice

Welcome to Tijuana

[image: Phil Poynter]

Mmmmm, Manu Chao. Alvin droploaded a whole bunch of his stuff and I'm loving it all. This guy sings in spanish, french, arabic, portuguese, english and who knows what else. It's so catchy and politically left wing, I've got it all on loop all day.

I had my first official o. chem lab today and already I'm giving my TA white hairs. The lab went fine, I just had a faulty tube for my west condenser apparatus and lo and behold, a huge explosion of steam and water while I was boiling benzoic acid set off screams from the girls around me. Gosh that was fun. blacklisted again? I think so.

oest mon mare le prince rebelle

[image: Thierry Le Goues]

k, my cupcakes. I've got until 10:30 to finish all this shizz before I'm making it mandatory to go to bed. Waking up at obscene morning hours for 8 am classes monday to friday is not really for me. On the other hand, it's nice to finish school in the morning and have a day to do stuff. For the past month, my libido's been dead and non-existent. I think my boobs have shrunk too. My goodness, wtf. My apologies if I haven't been active on the msn front.

Tonight's agenda:
-finish prepping o. chem lab
-finish biostats homework
-read biostats ch. 4

I need to sleep early. I've been 10 minutes late for most of my morning lectures the past week because traffic/buses have been acting so weird. Also, there's so many hot people in my morning biochemistry class and they're all in pharmacy. Intimidating? I think so.

looking at pictures with a new frame of mind

This is only true if you draw the circle afterwards. I hate writing within confined lines - especially inside boxes. Don't even get me started with venn diagrams! >: (

DJ Shadow concert tomorrow @ the Commodore Ballroom and alas, I'm not there.
I think it's time to sign up for cycling again - I've been out of action since my kidneys decided to go kapunk. Two more doctor trips this week, one of which will include having my ovaries touched... oooooh!

On a completely different note, I hate the Chinese government.
I'm sure I'm blacklisted somewhere now.

Ghosts

[image: benedicte]

Ghosts

You are a ghost
Still remembered,
But my heart is too weak
To sustain you.
Though my eyes still
Behold you,
My hands still hold you,
You tread lightly,
Breath imperceptibly,
Speak to me faintly
As memories
Through time.
And our common places
Know us only
As summers spent,
Fleeting moments,
Inconsequential meetings
Of ghost with ghost
For by you
I have also faded
From this scene,
Only real so long
As you remember,
As long
As you love.

--Zhen H.

ho hum

[image: ideaz]

no news is good news, right?

"The Abolition of Man", by C.S. Lewis

[image: bittertaste]

"We have been trying, like Lear, to have it both ways. To lay down our human prerogative and yet at the same time to retain it. It is impossible. Either we are rational spirit obliged for ever to obey the absolute values of the Tao, or else we are mere nature to be kneaded and cut into new shapes for the pleasures of masters who must, by hypothesis, have no motive but their own `natural' impulses."

-- C.S. Lewis.

to your pink moon

[image: astrid magnussen]

i still whisper your name in the dark
to the tune of cellos and rain.

[image: memorial]

lord is going to leave me

N is for

[art: banksy; barely legal exhibition]

Yesterday I got rid of my N and I slept for 15 straight hours.
Today... lots of reading.

domani?

[image: bittertaste]

ich hab' dich vermisst, baby komm zu mir

this is a mouth that needs religion

[image: nana souca dias]

There are tepid nights when all I want to do is just leave the front door. walking bare foot in a linen summer dress. i want to feel the blades of grass, wet between my toes. tread across a familiar path. push open a door. and be welcomed with just a simple hug.

beneath the rose

[image: wisnia]


[video: karni saul]

in these days so swiftly past

[image: maria ego]

je ne parle pas francais.
Though I wish I did because it really is a beautiful language.

the nape of her neck

[image: psixnenormalny]

*sigh*

coming to the presence of water

[image: flipe]

I apologize to everyone if I’ve been acting a little… off. Despite activities and events, they’re merely placeholders to keep me busy throughout the weeks. With euphemisms tossed aside, I guess I’ll just be somewhat unabashed for once.

First and foremost, I am so sick with worry and stress. I’m always wondering “what if” this and “what if” that. Hearing the voices and words of strangers have moved mountains in the past few days. Many thanks to Erek and Yukiko.

On the health side of things, I’ve had a couple of scares, but everything’s checked out and I’m fine. Less than two weeks ago, I went through a week of mysterious gastrointestinal bleeding (I was pooping blood). After shuttling between different medical clinics, the prognosis was mild diverticulosis, which goes away after awhile. So all is well in that department.

On the emotional side of things, I’ve been everywhere. A friend of mine had called me out of desperation a couple of weeks ago. His drug use was spiralling out of control and he was at a very low point at his life… Aside from an ear, all I can say is that I’m glad I left a number for him to call because he used it. The appearance of quiet normalcy is dangerous. He had left subtle hints of alluding to something far worse. But I’ll leave it at that.

And lastly, I miss certain people… terribly.
I hate the assumption that any of you are “replaceable”. How I relate to you is independent from how I relate to others.

So pardon me if I act a little strange, a little quiet, a little off or whatever deviation from the typical me these days. I am still regrouping. And if you’re ever wondering, please just ask. If you’re going to ridicule me, just say it to me, honestly… or preferably, yell it at my face.

monkey see monkey do

[image: cuteoverload]

unicorn feet

[image: anomaly]

Okay, onto more normal topics. So, the first week of school has been alright though I have a feeling that I have to drop one of my courses (mostly likely Biol 334 - genetics). Thus far, the only super boring course is population ecology (Biol 303)... snooooore. It's like a Darwin lovefest. Dr Coren, the prof for my pscyh 100 course is intriguing to no ends... he loves dogs. He even has a dog show that runs on the Life Network. For the whole hour and a half while he was pacing up and down the classroom yammering about critical thinking, I couldn't help but notice his boob sweat (like under the boob)... it looked like a happy face. Biochemistry 300 is elementary at this point.. I know that my walls will receive a fresh application of colourful wallpaper filled with biochemical pathways to understand and memorize. My Biostats course (biol 300) is actually fun and interesting because of the prof... he's a younger type statistician who's doing his post doctorate. He makes the class interesting by incorporating politics and military history into the lecture as a part of statistics... I'm sure it will get harder. So far, I've only spent $200 on textbooks... which is a far cry from the $700 I spent on textbooks in first year, which is absolutely ridiculous. I feel so bad for dropping genetics because I have Craig Berezowsky this term. His lectures are engaging and despite the material, he makes it feel like it's something that can be done over a beer, nachos and hockey in the background. I'm only dropping this because 6 courses is too much for me... I learned that the hard way after doing a 19 credit term. It's do-able though.

Anyways, Viola's leaving for UVic to study social work and Queenie's jetting back to Waterloo for more mechanical engineering shizznat. So this weekend will be filled with more good byes.

And out of curiosity, is anyone taking Biol 416? The conservation course with all the field trips? I kinda want to drop FNH 313 to take that instead... it looks uber fun. Yaaay for weekend trips to the islands!

Life merely appears normal at this point.

"My heart is like an old house whose windows have not been open for years"

[image: gregory colbert]

and in his silence...

"I saw Edens that I had in my hand,
I saw promises that I did not keep
Pains I did not heal
Tears I did not shed.
I saw deaths that I did not cry,
Prayers I did not answer,
Doors I did not open,
Doors I did not close,
Lovers I left behind,
And dreams I did not live.
I saw all that was offered to me
And all that I could not accept.
I saw all that could have been
But never will be."
--Ashes & Snow; Gregory Colbert
-------------------------------------------------------------------

Silence is powerful.
there is the comfortable silence
and the silence of sleep
of rivers down deep.
the silence of tension
of thoughts you want to mention.
Silence can provoke tears or relief
or reaffirm one's belief.
But if they choose to be silent
Silence is too powerful.

I guess I just don't feel welcome anymore.

[image: deserie]

sans toi...

split seconds

[image: mg]

I really need to sleep.

at this point

[image: goshmar]

what a nightmare
restless
insomniac.

la mia coccinella

leave it to me for now.

oh my god

oh my god oh my god oh my god... what the hell is going on?! I'm so scared!!
listless listless listless.

!!!

WHAT THE FUCK?!??!!
AHHHHHH! Of all the calls to get at this hour, I did not expect it from the PoPo half way around the world. SHIT. School hasn't even started. I'm so worried... this is definately going to be a sleepless night.

Goddamnit!
ubc, you better cooperate with me.

baha

hahaha, Brandon, you idiot
The person who sent the complaint must've really been looking because the washroom is quite a ways away from the front window and in a weird angle.

to call for hands of above

[currently listening to: José González - Heartbeats]

in the end, just do what you love

A lesson in WTF

Temporary Aesthetics by Don Hertzfeldt

beset by the sky's overcast eyes

bull's eye

[image: le poulin]

mystery blood
fractured tail bone scare
today I felt as though my ass was violently violated and ripped into two.
on the bright side, at least no antibiotics.

Drove out to Chilliwack this morning for sunshine and water. I'm so exhausted now. monday is mandatory recuperation. After that, it's just you and me, school.

feverish

[image: mimle]

what connotations to the word "test" do you conjure?
exams, sterile rooms, doctors, blank, positive, time, inconsequential, negative, hospitals, adversity, star-crossed love, antibiotics, pain, goals, ambition, hope, addiction, infidelity, bubble sheets, dreams...

what test are you experiencing? will it change your life?
----------------------------------------------

I'm so tired.
physically and mentally.
I've learned more about myself and others in the past little while. We're just crazy caricatures sometimes. How we define ourself is largely influenced by how we relate to others. Sometimes, I think we often overlook the beauty of being human, which is the most basic part to our existence. Beyond your status, your colour, your heritage, your job, your wealth, your religion, your experience. those are all secondary. I think sometimes we get so hung up on all those secondary things that we lose sight of ourself.