pine sol + chlorine

[image: charlotte willer]

those sterile walls are waiting for you

poses

[image: wintersetaway]

even if i gave you the moon, i knew you'd grow tired of it soon

as the eternal cowboy

are you singing cavalier eternal?

Theme for "On the Ball"

[image: hellobonjour]

i'm sorry
i couldn't be your mother
or your fairy tale ending.

I've left a number on the table.
hopefully you'll use it because
I'm done
watching you pass out
higher than a kite
on chemical secrets
that could be transferred
from palm to mouth.

i can't help unless you help yourself.

------------------------------------

To the anime loving gold fish man,
please kindly fuck off.
the notches on your plastic belt
of virginal trophies, crooked lies
greasy grin,
seduce only grit and bile to my mouth.
Don't touch her, creep.
"she was cute and real tight"
(you mean 14 and too scared to whimper)
when you cower over her,
liver spotted skin, sweaty -
with a dog tag dangling around your neck,
MUSTANG: it spells.
reeks.
don't touch me, creep.
liar.
monster.

[images: film stills; Amelie]

I don't expect anything

sail away

[image: benedicte]

bon voyage, mon ami

cigarettes and scotch

[image: eugenio recuenco]

what do you do when you find something you know someone will covet and embrace? i'd send you track 4,5,8,9, and 13... I want to read you a paragraph from page 121... show you a leaf I pressed between pages in an encyclopedia from 15 years ago that had a smiley face on it. Alas, the landscape has changed and I can no longer explode with the same enthusiasm of sharing hidden discoveries that most people would simply deem as insignificant. an observation of quiet obligation. there is only an audience of cigarettes and scotch.

demain... demain... train wreck mess.

and suddenly

[image: buses]

and suddenly, i'm breathing through a thin straw. myopic fish lens. frog legs and cigarette ash water. i'm tired. i ache for a reason, seething for simple solace. don't throw me assumptions, juvenile words. show me dolor, unchained and sounding. don't irk me like wet sand in my shoes. sit, have some tea. talk. tell me what's on your mind, as it were... lest you be plagued by the weight of heaviness.

"Das Leben ist schwerer als die Schwere von allen Dingen." --Rilke
(The heaviness of life is heavier than the heaviness of all things.)

complainte de la butte

[image: unsignificant]

I feel like a train wreck right now.

glazed eyes

[image: film still; Vosvrascenie]

so... whathappensnext?

je suis perdu

[image: beneaththeradar; osaka]

"Pars maior lacrimas ridet et intus habet" --Martialis

He was simply confiding his loneliness to me. All he really needed was just someone to listen and understand that he is fundamentally flawed... fragile like glass. Appearance isn't everything - it only isolated him from being like one of us. I'm worried... because his words scared me tonight.
---------------------------------------------------

halfway around the world, I don't know what's going on.
i miss the smell of calendula and its connotations to summer's simplicities.
je suis perdu. Drink up. Through menial acts of self-destruction, it's so cliche.
i'm just blindly giving up the ghost.

"elephant in the room"

My dad had to work until late today so I was responsible for dinner tonight. I made fettucine with spinach, mascarpone and fresh parmesan... aka, heart attack on a plate. Fat content aside, I thought it was pretty successful though next time I'd throw in a handful of baby shrimp to make it more interesting. I don't think my dad has ever tried anything I've ever made because it's probably an abomination in his eyes (despite the fact my mom is a spam/KD/microwave cook).

I also watched Gus van Sant's "Elephant" today, which won the Palme d'Or and Best director at the 2003 Cannes Film Festival. Everyone who saw it before me absolutely hated it... and I could see why. Don't watch it if you aren't patient and want cinematic columbine-style action... the entire movie is ridiculously drawn out. I loved the movie though... it was so depressingly detached in a way that would reflect everyday high school life and its complexities. The last half hour left me with goosebumps. If you're going to watch it, watch it with an open mind - there's no fancy music, no crazy effects, no real script. "It's an ordinary high school day. Except that it's not."

A Visit

[image: quena]

A VISIT

Gone are the days
when you could walk on water.
When you could walk.

The days are gone.
Only one day remains,
the one you're in.

The memory is no friend.
It can only tell you
what you no longer have:

a left hand you can use,
two feet that walk.
All the brain's gadgets.

Hello, hello.
The one hand that still works
grips, won't let go.

That is not a train.
There is no cricket.
Let's not panic.

Let's talk about axes,
which kinds are good,
the many names of wood.

This is how to build
a house, a boat, a tent.
No use; the toolbox

refuses to reveal its verbs;
the rasp, the plane, the awl
revert to sullen metal.

Do you recognize anything? I said.
Anything familiar?
Yes, you said. The bed.

Better to watch the stream
that flows across the floor
and is made of sunlight,

the forest made of shadows;
better to watch the fireplace
which is now a beach.

--Margaret Atwood
-------------------------------------

Detached. He was right about everything except one thing.
And it bothers me like a stubborn stain
I want to scream at.

"The heaviness of life is heavier than the heaviness of things" --Rilke

[image: astrid magnussen]

"If you come to me at this moment,
your minutes will become hours
your hours will become days
your days will become a lifetime."
-G.C.

from ashes to snow

[image: Gregory Colbert]

"The whales do not sing because they have an answer.
They sing because they have a song."

abbiamo mangiato cibo greco

Stephos is amazingly delicious! The 40 minute line up was well worth the wait.


My kidneys are better. Antibiotics can do so many wonders. Unfortunately, I picked up a secondary cough.. oh my poor immunocompromised body, lol.



Anyways, Simon's leaving for Japan tomorrow. I hope he brings back stories from the gaijin club :P Good luck talking to the profs there! 12 days and then it's time for school!


Mi manchi!

Benny Benassi - Satisfaction

I'm so getting the masonry drill!
lol, love the juxtaposition. I know this video's been around for awhile but meh, it never gets old.

heh

please just let me just break down

[image: quena]

"I need this
old train to breakdown
oh please just
let me please breakdown
I need this
old train to breakdown
oh please just
let me please breakdown
I want to break on down
but I cant stop now"

-- Breakdown, Jack Johnson

fatal if left untreated

It wasn't JUST a fever. My prognosis was correct - my kidneys are messed up. Apparently I've got a severe bacterial infection of the kidneys hence why I've been having abnormally high fevers. So now I'm on Ciprofloxacin... hoping to get better soon. I scared my mom when I joined her to drink soup for dinner because all my clothes were absolutely drenched in sweat. It looked like I had just finished a run or something and this was all within a 10 minute period of changing into dry clean clothes.

Then again I'm downing at least 3L of water a day to help clear everything up. I would have had blood and pus in the urine had I not gone to the doctor any sooner. I love you guys.

all is quiet from his end

[image: strokethyfrost]

it hurts to drive, to walk up and down stairs, to sit, to open doors. Everything is falling apart, it's getting progressively worse. George came by with a venti sized machiato and I cannot sleep. But of course as an excuse, diuretics do help alleviate fevers to some extent. I think what most people fail to see is him. He possesses a rare brilliance that few people will truly understand since all they see is crazy nutso boy (which is true to some extent). He's heading down to the states for medicine after the fall semester ends and he's got three universities to choose from, one of which offers a full scholarship. Although I swear he's lived 3 lifetimes over in experience, he still has much to learn - he needs only to bide his time. As a friend, I honestly wish him well and all the best.

In the meantime, I hope I get a name to whatever it is I have. I am paranoid beyond comprehension and I only want to get better!

This dream is almost over

[image: memorial]

Don't anyone dare come close, I'm still sick.
chest x-ray, urinalysis, and a slough of blood tests
No one knows what the hell is wrong.
and ibuprofen is my best friend.

grouse grind for saturday? nixed.

[image: katia]

"It isn't the things that happen to us in our lives that cause us to suffer,
it's how we relate to the things that happen to us
that causes us to suffer."

--Pema Chödrön

glaaaargh blaaaargh

[image: seafoodmwg]

I am as sick as a dog.
Yesterday I went rock climbing and swimming with a bunch of people and ate at a Korean restaurant in the evening. I knew my immune system was compromised to some extent before swimming but I knew something was wrong when we went to eat - the air conditioning was so cold... copious amounts of tea didn't help. By the time 2 am hit I was sick. I puked my guts out and took a super long hot hot shower because I was freezing... even then I was still so cold. I puked some more and jumped into bed and passed out. Woke up at 5:30 am thinking that I was going to die from the fever my body was having. No tylenol or anything in the house, I just tried to sleep it off... blargh. My mom saved me in the late morning but I still feel like shit. I need to rest for the next little while. So please pardon my stupidity, I'm sure my brain cells are going to crap from being killed by the fever.

Call on Me

Ahhh, I love this song and video - gets you going in the morning.

I feel like the biggest ビッチ

[image: Bernard Benant]

俺の彼の方がお前のよりかわいいだよ、ビッチ

And it's true.

"Les temps sont durs pour les rêveurs."

[image: uvaspina]

"Les temps sont durs pour les rêveurs." --Eva


--------------------
I swear i'm not drunk right now.

Go buy some shrimp.

[image: film still; ichi the killer]

I need rice in my diet to feel normal. I also need to like.. sleep. I don't know how I'm going to manage 8 am classes monday to friday for two terms, lol. Do I become a night owl and sleep during the day? Or just bite the bullet and TRY to sleep early. It's 3rd year now so I'm a little scared, I want to do well in my courses - especially with all the horror stories from the genetics classes. Is it better to take it during the school year or during the summer (to people who've already conquered the challenge)? I have a feeling 3rd year is going to be extremely dry. I wish Dr. Harris taught more classes because he really left a good impression on me. The only hurdle is that 4th year endocrinology sounds terrifying.

Anyways, Simon introduced me to Persian food and it's actually quite yummy and tasty. He also showed me around the salmon fish hatchery up in Capilano and I still think salmon are amazing. I feel bad for loving ikura so much, lol... it's salmon genocide just to satisfy the palate. However, Seaian did point out that eating one of the roe eggs does feel like popping one of those benign cold sore cysts in your mouth, lol. blargh... salty liquidness.

In other news, I feel like going to a toga party. I want to have fun.... disaronno ce soir?

random question

[image: film still; A Clockwork Orange]

Random question... How do you dudes honestly feel about getting your salad tossed?
(note: I'm not interested in tossing anyone's salad, lol)

it feels like billie holiday on a rainy night

[image: amanda schlicher]

I feel depressed.
periods suck. seriously.

godiva and botticelli

[image: Jason Green]

On another completely random note, look at what I found: http://wowdate.fullwiki.com/index.php
Dating site for World of Warcraft players.. you never meet IRL but you can hold hands during raids, lol. Male members: 1185; Female members: 205

---------------------------------------------------------------
My mum opened up an old box in the garage today and we found all of her old photos and letters from her SFU days. And then I saw pictures of the most gorgeous man. A Karachi boy with lucious hair, clean smile and beautiful eyes. With a long sigh, she told me that everything worked out, life was wonderful, he was more than just a boyfriend. Religion, in the end, was the only barrier. I wonder if he moved back to Pakistan or stayed in Canada. But beyond that, something tells me, I've met him before... I don't know why, lol.

bienvenue dans mon coeur

[image: to_portugal]

bienvenue dans mon coeur

Vom Suchen und Finden der Liebe

[image: film still; lola rennt]

I joined Caitlin et company at the pride parade today in Vancouver... she had some friends marching around in the parade and we were welcomed to join along. Unfortunately, we came an hour into the parade so we didn't catch everything. Downtown was alive though, lol. I'm currently reading one of Beaty's books on loan called "Female Chauvinist Pigs" and it's quite excellent (thus far). I'll probably include more commentary later on. Anyways, on a completely different note... Justin Timberlake's single, "Sexy back" is actually catchy... I like it, lol.

heh

[image: Farrokh Chothia]

Persians know how to throw a hella good house party. Simon's Italian model friend is HOT, holy crap. lol, and he has a math degree too. But bye bye, he's off to Italy tomorrow for good, haha. Tomorrow is the Pride Parade, who wants to come watch? guten nacht.

touched by a stranger's passion

[image: Todd Gary Essick]

I'm 20 now
but for some reason, I've never felt so
naive, free
+ wonderful :)

dance in your underwear music!

Good luck with Ferris Bueller tomorrow, Masami-chan! Crazy ass engineers... I don't know how anyone could work in a robot lab until 2 am for the past week. Pity I can't go watch tomorrow. Seattle trip tomorrow and who knows what'll happen on friday! Meet Simon's hot italian friend? lol, Jamieson, Simon is one hell of a character. Thanks again for organizing the Grouse trip yesterday!

Simian Crustaceous Toddlerpede

[image: Simian Crustaceous Toddlerpede - Doll Sculpture by Jon Beinart, 2006]

I have a Botticelli 70% sitting right next to me
:)

Late 90s bedroom rock for the missionaries

[image: michael calanan]

hahaha, I am so out of shape. I did the Grind today for the first time with Ru and her friends. I think I'm just too used to the flatness of Richmond because any incline above 15 degrees is daunting. Despite the terrible time, I wouldn't mind doing it again in the future as good exercise, lol. I swear everyone in North Van. is uber fit (that includes you Beaty). After surviving that ordeal, we all decided to eat all you can eat at Shabusen. I don't know what's worse... eating to a painfully uncomfortable level or finishing the grind, lol.

anyways, shower time.
oyasuminasai

The Second Coming

[image: film still; Asia Argento]

Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.
Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of Spritus Mundi
Troubles my sight: somewhere in the sands of the desert
A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.
The darkness drops again; but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

--W.B. Yeats

bumble-bee cut outs

Well, I went to Victoria this weekend to visit Royce... he leaves in about 19 days for art school in Toronto. After 4 years there, he's off to New York to study under Ross Campbell. I swear in person he looks just like Cillian Murphy (the dude who played Scarecrow in Batman Begins). After meeting him in the morning, we just wandered around Chapters and hit up literally 4 more comic stores on one street alone. I should have worn more suitable shoes for the day because Royce refused to sit and rest... the only time we did was to watch "The Devil Wears Prada". I personally thought that was an entertaining movie... loved Meryl Streep's character. Victoria as a whole is like a cleaner version of Vancouver, except more historical and flowery. For dinner, we went to Chinatown and at the Noodle Box... lol, that place must make so much profit. The whole selling point was the box. The noodles were uber salty imo, lol - but then again I grew up with noodles. Anyways, bussing to and from downtown Victoria and the ferry is looooong. Royce promises a visit to Vancouver before he leaves.. I hope everything bodes well for him! He has his own way of working things.

searching for a former clarity

[image: jane; saturna islaand]

I dream of bullet filled skies.