Trang Bang June 8th, 1972

[Dr. hofmann]

Chasing the infinite

Costco trip yesterday. And I came home with over 2 kg of cereal. My hair's too short but it's a futile idea to try and catch up with the desired length I've always wanted. lol, ah well - I don't have the smooth, hydrated oriental hair genes. Moving on, it also appears that I'm sick... or slowly getting there with the sore throat. I borrowed A.I. Artificial Intelligence from the library the other day. Jeebus, it's cheesey with the typical Steven Spielberg touch... so I cried like crazy. Seeing kids in pain or hurt just hits me. I wouldn't call it a favourite movie, but it's worth a watch. My relatives from the U.K. came over for a little bit the other day. It looks like I'll be going there next year sometime to look around with my sister.

in moments

"...there's so much beauty in the world.
Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much,
my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst...

And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold onto it,
and then it flows through me like rain
and I can't help feel anything but gratitude,
for every single moment,
of my stupid little life..."


-- american beauty.

shhhh, we all have our own secrets

Seaian's Ichigo 100% manga is absolutely ridiculous. Total fanboy moment methinks lol.
At this rate I'm going to be a coconut by the end of summer. It's so ridiculously hot.

I need to get out more and interact with people.

Ai Tominaga

the smells of the orient,
some sugar
and an apple.

Update: Had dim sum with my grandma(PoPo) in the morning. lol, I admire her to pieces because she's so wrinkly and full of wisdom. She's a human calculator too, calculating tax and estimating prices - and is usually correct... right down to the penny. Afterwards, I walked around London Drugs and walked out with a bunch of shit from Lancome. I'm loving it too. tee hee. It's so hot now - thank goodness for breeze.

Nude beach? I think so.
I hate stagnant heat.

More from Katia

this photo is a perfect depiction of this moment. this critical moment
when we either leap over into triumph or fall on our face.
this beautiful painful moment.
this.

--Katia

Maman

Avoid the flourish. Do not be afraid to be weak. Do not be ashamed to be tired.
You look good when you're tired. You look like you could go on forever.
Now come into my arms.
You are the image of my beauty.

-- leonard cohen.

MT Pt. 1

2 feet of baguette and butter later, I've found my watch!
wish me luck for tonight.

connotations of Blue.

Roots to the sky,
which blue is your blanket?

Indie Tits

cibo matto - sugar water

The velocity of time turns her voice into sugar water

I’m on a concrete way
The wind is blowing to the north-northwest
It smells like sands of the southern island
When a black cat crosses my path

A woman in the moon is singing to the earth
A woman in the moon is singing to the earth

I’m riding on a camel that has big eyes
The buildings are changing into coconut trees
Little by little
When a black cat crosses my path

A woman in the moon is singing to the earth
A woman in the moon is singing to the earth

We are taking sugar water shower
Shower

---Cibo Matto - Sugar Water

Okay, I'm a little more than obsessed. I love the style - it's a Japanese fusion of Madonna, Esthero and Jazz. Once again, something out of the closet from those RU Receiving days. Next time, I'm pulling out the Swastika Eyes. I think I'm really hearting the jazz movement... with a delicate touch of quirk. <3

"I didn't understand"

.

I just say the wrong things.
Fun is entirely my own construct.
I'll keep to myself, sing the alphabet
Mould a castle from clay.
you deserve better.
Bye.
-----



--Edited for language use. *muah*

This picture makes me so happy

because they're on the sidelines, and they're not languidly watching or listening to the stories that unfold from the centre. They've got their own story, their own love and their own peace that I wish I could have.
------
Thinking back, I never enjoyed grad. I never got that feeling of elation or accomplishment. In short, I never made it.

*adjusts art glasses* I swear, blog journals make you more emo than necessary. And EMO= Eat more oreos. Willow has the emo-est of glasses... plus he's got the hottest pink rhino pin that I've ever seen. I also think I sweat excessively when I'm cold. That's the worst kind of sweat. The weather's been so mixed up lately. I can't wait until it clears up because I can ride far away from here. Jeebus, I need to be more superficial and get out of this goddamn rut. (POTATO BLOODS 4 LIFE 'yo!)

The Last Supper

This ad in europe has caused so much controversy. I think it's quite provocative for a fashion ad.

sweet heart

--Theme for 'mother'

I'm really tired right now. I also need to learn how to wear bras again. G-Unit surprised us with a luvverly picnic lunch on extremely fluffy grass. Plus, the sandwiches were excellent. (mayo gives you cataracts btw). I'm volunteering friday and saturdays now. Still with the same resident.. and she's such a sweetheart. My first midterm for bio is this tuesday and I'm not ready for it. Like, really not ready for it. Ah well. This is why I'm staying at home. I figured I never really belonged anywhere with respects to a social life. I truly miss the old days. Nothing's been the same since Machala left. Things are so seemingly complex. Casual fun? Yeah, I'm not exactly intent on waiting and bussing home in the rain at 2 in the morning because no one really cares. The bbt lifestyle, I've never really been a part of. I guess I scare a lot of people away. Cheers and have fun! I'll always have a bed that can never turn me down.

But boy am I so happy!
Except for the part where my watch is missing. I feel so naked without it.
I'm a whore in all my dreams.
But above all, the sandwiches today kicked major 'mofo' ass. (I don't know how to use mofo properly in a sentence.. please someone tell me how?)

beautiful poetry.

you're just a whisper on my lips

And the rain feels like your finger tips

Dry lightning at the mountain top. You can always predict if you look up. The heavens were a pink purple tonight. And then it rained. It poured.

Now I feel like running, without a destination.

01 Men Have Clitorises

What a gorgeous day today! It's a little windy outside and the sparrows are going into their whole "OMG, Eagle!" bombardament flying pattern. I swear, they're nature's peaceful flying machine speed killers. I have school in a bit and I still haven't started on my first homework assignment because I'm too busy fretting over how crinkled the paper is. I've also realized that I'm going to miss tonight's CSI episode because of school. Quentin Tarantino directing the spiel tonight :(

Oh well. My VCR and tv are too old school to handle taping stuff... it's like when I tried to tape the winter olympics in Nagano for a project. Ba ha. It's was total 'wtf'. Yeah... I was thinking about purchasing a new VCR, but that's like restoring the Windows 95 OS on the computer. In light of new technological gadgets, Nintendo's revealing it's Nintendo Revolution system which has the capabilities of downloading and playing all Nintendo games circa 20 years ago. I hated the previews for it. PS3 looks cooler than the Xbox 360 which is this generation's Dreamcast. Stupid consoles... there's too many of 'em.

I like my hoola hoop and skipping rope. Did I also mention that EVERYONE had a pirate outfit at some point of their baby lives? I still remember wearing hot pink tights and a huge-ass blue and white striped shirt with my hair tied to the side of my head. Gawd.. I was THE tinkerbell.

In other news, Liberals are back in office for another 4 more years with a strong NDP opposition. STV almost got reformed but was short by like 3 %. Had it been implemented, we would've seen at least a Green Party/independent candidate taking a seat. h00t. I'm also getting old. My lower back and knees are absolutely killer (not in the cool/phat sorta way either). Mind as well change my name to Ruth.

Granny, Out!

when it rains, it pours

nightfire.

when it rains, it pours
washing the street with grey.
colour glazed vision, a myopic blur
and the sight of your smeared lipstick
wet hair
smoke.

turns me on.

----------------
freshman fifteen. So there's a name for it! Gosh, I feel so proud yet suspicious at the same time. Lara Croft from the Tomb Raider comics has become my new poster girl. Who doesn't want to be a gun-toting, bodacious woman? Okay, maybe not. But I'm inspired to say the least! I also borrowed the December 2004 issue of Scientific American which featured an interesting look at marijuana and the brain. Delta-9-Tetrahydrocannabinol (THC) binds to the brain's cannabinoid receptors centralized in the middle of the brain (hypothalamus, neocortex, cerebellum, etc.) - which would explain for all the so-called "medicinal benefits" - enhancing appetite, pain/anxiety alleviation, and vomit suppression. Our brains naturally produce some similar chemicals which activate some of these cannabinoid receptors, therefore being the brain's own marijuana = anandamide and 2-Arachidonoyl glycerol (2-AG). Intuh-resting. keyword being, 'some'.

In any case, my knees are a-hurting. I actually have a lot more to say but I'm tired. G'nite!

No Way

Amon Tobin is the new cinematic soundtrack to my life. I remember catching them for the first time on RU Receiving with 4 Ton Mantis... and that was it. Now I can envision different instances where daily actions are frozen in mid-action, mid-air and a camera spans around 360 degrees. Heart to trip hop jazz electronica. Because it makes me see suspended raindrops (even though it's been done a ba-zillion times).

I'm starting to enjoy my Under Armour stuff. It really does take the sweat away from your skin. I'm really being an advertising whore am I? haaaar. Anyways, I suppose it'll be motivation for me to get off my ass and move for once. I think the root of this mess lies in my terrible binging habits. In short, the goal is to lose 10 to 15 ... or just fit into my grad dress again because it's a struggle to zip it past the ass. Heh, slutteh. >:( No one's going to remember me anyway. it's emo-licious.

The sky is moving again. Captured on time lapse photography, it'd make for an excellent backdrop to this music. And as of current, my knees are on fire. So the plan will be: Breakfast-lunch will equal yogurt and fruit. Dinner is all else. Snacks = salty, so I'll be digging in soy nut trail mix (which has dried pineapple fruit that tastes like crap). But like everything else in my head, it's going to fail. And unfortunately, school in the evenings conflict with the pole dancing schedule which means none of that. Ah well.

I wonder how Gabe's doing. I think I'll have soggy butterflies in my mouth the next time I call his household. :S

"i found freedom. losing all hope was freedom." ~ fightclub.

sitting waiting wishing...

The fetal position is comforting because the whole world becomes your blanket
And that sense of security becomes your womb.

Meanwhile, people wonder what the hell is on my C:/ drive. And I found the Jack Johnson song. Ares is my new best friend, compliments to Machala. <3 <3 <3

So I've got to pre-read for tomorrow's class. I know what's in a peptidoglycan layer, hence how bacteria can maintain their structural shape despite blowing up and lysing. The Q10 enzyme in many anti-wrinkle creams have been shown to kill skin and breast cancer. And the never ending quest for vanity becomes the saviour of our decade. I remember getting into an argument... would you want the burdened responsibility of discovering the cure for cancer? (though there probably won't be a 'single' cure per se but rather an improved efficient way of isolating and destroying certain cancer cells or the implementation of more efficient cancer detection) I think the human population has overshot it's natural carrying capacity (denoted by k) and a severe rebound in death, disease and chaos is due soon. Punctuated equilibrium is the basis for evolution as a theory. Science is a theory.

In other news, a 13 year old girl in florida is old enough to get pregnant but is apparently not old enough to decide whether or not to abort it because she's not ready to bring it to the world.

This was where I learned the bean dance

weh.

So, the first day of class was super exciting. not. Well, not like Malone at least. At least the prof tries - she sang to us her rendition of Avril Lavigne. And I bought another course book. You know, the same one as I already have from term 1. hoot.
So next week I'm expecting all you cupcakes to go out at vote. I'll kiss you if you do ;)
But no one wants herpes. So it's okay. It's like the time I found a tick on me and thought I had Lyme Disease. Gawd, Mark would've loved it if I did. I wonder how he's doing = e-mail time. But when I look down on the table, my list of things to do is ridiculously untouched. I think about doing them in my head but I never get close. The outside world also scares me. And 3 hours in class is long, but 3 hours lying in bed is hawt. I also realized my arms were big and packed with bye bye meat. You know, the meat the flaps when you wave good-bye. That means my Chinese interpretations aren't that great. It's like being told ample times that I'm the whitest Chinese kid they know that do the yellowest of things. Like tapping on the table when someone pours you tea.

It's so weird. For the past few months, it's finally dawned on me I'm yellow and I'm Chinese. I've always felt comfortable in my skin but now I'm just fully aware of it. I know it's silly, but weh. The pursuit of different cultural flavours is something I definately enjoy. When was the last time you tried Malaysian? Taiwanese? Shanghainese? Thai? Japanese?... oh right, it's cultural when you've tried an americanized Italian or Chinese. I want to taste the spices of Nepal, smell the heat of Africa and swim among the blue of Australia. I'm a freak. Because I know I'll never do these things. But I live in Canada. So I'll eat a burger while I dream about the Canadian cultural mosaic. There's no shame in eating alone.

It is not enough to know.
It is not enough to follow
the inward road conversing in secret.

It is not enough to see straight ahead,
to gaze at the unborn
thinking the silence belongs to you.

It is not enough to hear
even the tiniest edge of rain.

You must go to the place
where everything waits,
there, when you finally rest,
even one word will do,
one word or the palm of your hand
turning outward
in the gesture of gift.

And now we are truly afraid
to find the great silence
asking so little.

One word, one word only.

--David Whyte

Excuse me,

Could you tell me what a man's shoulder is for?
His solid walls and protective encasement,
your blanket fall asleep on.
It's a playground for the devil's lusting fingers,
to caress and kiss and whisper.
But this haven for dreams and good-natured valour,
has buckled and collapsed,
a shaking convolusion of bones, tears and skin.
And here lies,
this stairway to heaven.

Anatomical walk about

New shoes for poseidon
And a cup of mirth from this hypocrite's cup.
wtf am I talking about?

Gabe's got a new job working away lifting and boxing things.
So I think it's fair time I look for a job. And walk up those stairs. You know,
like send off a resume, eat less, drink more tea, exercise more, look more gaunt, wear my retainer, fiddle around with make up, and like, get a new life.

One day, I'll go to the art gallery. go on a hike up the grouse grind. go mountain biking. go to a real beach. go camping in some remote area. go backpacking. go travel the world.
go when I'm too old to do these things anymore.

The myopic interscope

Sitting here kind of languid again. I think it's just the realization that I sometimes desire for the safety of security. I'm riding through one of those moments, where when I look out the window, I'm waving goodbye to birds and clouds. All the while, little knots of infidelity are churning up in my stomach. And I realize,

something's missing.

Or maybe it's because my head hurts from all the wine and karaoke. Why is it that I'm plagued with the feeling that the next time I turn my back, he won't be there anymore? Ask me this two hours ago, I would've said quite the opposite. I think this calls for another walk to the trail in the dark.