"I'm not kidding you!"

[image: gregg griffin]

On sunday morning, I woke up from a terrifying dream. Apparently I was shifting a lot and talking in my sleep so it had to be bad.. indeed, it was bad because I remember it. Revenge manifested in the form of an evil Tobey Maguire and a fisherman - they had both threatened to fuck up my car while I stood on screaming/begging for them to stop. I just had a couple grand of repairs done on it and my brother was standing alongside, helplessly watching. I was trapped in this super huge huge parking lot whilst being chased, taunted, threatened to have my knees blown out. The last words I screamed, which consequently woke me up were: "I'm not kidding you!"... man, that was weird.

Anyways, there's this super awesome middle eastern/afghan place in the kits area called East is East, which serves the most awesome smoothies ever. Simon's Israeli friend introduced us to the little eatery. I also had my first taste of "authentic" chai, which was interesting because it's so spicy but yet so milky and fragrant... a little difficult in getting used to. I don't think I'd go there for food though... seems kind of expensive for what it is.

deconstructing dissonance

[image: obsidienne]

Man, reading some 230 pages worth of psychology takes a frickin' long time. Shows me for barely showing up to class.

On another note, I love rice. I recently tried a stint at making basmati rice for the first time and ate it with a huge dopple of this yogurt-onion-cucumber concoction and a fried egg (because there was nothing else in the house) - but man was it yummy. My tongue feels really funny though. Wild rice is really expensive but the texture makes for a solid meal. Japanese rice I find to be really sticky and glutinous to eat so I guess it's appropriate if it goes with eel or made in sushi. Vietnamese rice is interesting... the grains are all split in half or broken for some reason and it's not as sticky as most other oriental rice. Arborio rice itself is just chubby pearl-like grains and I don't really know how else to eat it but in risotto. Long grain black/brown rice can be used in desserts (that all I've ever had it in). Chinese rice becomes more of a pickier subject because I'm most familiar with it but the elephant (thai) brand is the best (affordable and of decent quality) thus far... it's home food dude.

So, for any other rice connoisseurs to your culture, are there any brands that you'd recommend because I know rice is an extremely picky subject. I'm just blindly trying things out.

Starch primarily makes up my diet anyways... <3 rice, potatoes, noodles and pasta... so I guess I shouldn't complain about my jumbotron legs.

no. 8

[image: jane]
[currently listening to: yann tiersen - soir de fête]

they say that the no. 8 is a lucky number
and she took the b8,
8 pussy on weekends
after a cheap d8
they say she likes the no. 8
tempting f8 with her panties around her ankles
f8 comes in black and white
it just so happens - check-m8.

random tandem conclusion.

this probably sounds ridiculously stupid.... but I swear, I never have nor will i ever get a sticker photo taken. something about those tiny ass things ignite this unholy rage out of nowhere.

jeebus.

voog.

[images: ana voog]

I've been following ana voog for some time. She reminds me of a real life Clementine from Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind. I love her sense of candid exploration in her art. What I especially find beautiful is the progression into her pregnancy - everything exudes love and more love. The choice to bring a child into the world should deserve nothing but this.

<3 random boob posts

[image: raymi]

I <3 raymi lauren aka raymitheminx. Maybe it's because of the eccentric randomness and overload of pictures of awesomeness, especially her boobs. But beyond the narcissistic fanfare of superficial-ness, I love how real she is. Here's to blogger notoriety!
-------------------------

In other news, I think Europe is going to be called off for this summer and be postponed until next year. That means a roadtrip to LA instead towards the heat and beaches and whatnot. So far, it's just going to be Simon, Mark and I... but I desparately think we need a fourth person to diffuse the Mark situation. Half an hour with him is extremely TRYING on patience, coupled with the high volume squabbling he and Simon engage in, I might as well punch myself in the face and sleep the entire way through until we get there to the city.

2 more frickin' exams... this is taking forever.

london-->portsmouth-->caen-->paris-->... ... ...

[image: mg]

so... damn... close.
london is going to cost an arm and a leg. A $160 CAD ferry ride seems a little excessive. lol, this is beyond trying to break even. Why did the car have to breakdown?? :'(

intimissimi

okay, I'm done exams this saturday at 6 pm (FINALLY). My next round of summer classes start on May 7th so that only means a week of freedom. I propose nutso-ness. A shit-faced costume themed baking party complete with waxing experiments and mud masks with cucumbers over the eyes. I also want to do boob casts (dudes included too). I think a trip to the Vancouver Art Gallery would be nice... it's by donation on tuesdays after 5 pm (yeah I know, I'm cheap) - Fred Herzog is featured, which means animals rights protestors will be there. Potluck dinner anyone? Commercial drive shopping/eating? I want to make rice balls finally - Beaty, are you available? Dyke bar? Hiking trip? Probably not many of these will get off the ground but at least they're ideas. Simon's going to be gone for a month, which will probably be a good opportunity to sterilize the downstairs of the house... his mom probably thinks I'm going to turn him crooked or something after finding hot pink nail polish, a feather boa lying about and watching Requiem for a Dream, which features a double anal penetration scene and a lobotomy. If anyone wants, we could go running/biking/blading, etc etc... I seriously need to do something about my beastly legs - my short shorts have pretty much become underwear as a result of a year's accumulation of miscelleneous saddlebag meat. Leave a message/email/call me if anyone wants to do anything. We could do like... normal stuff too.

just NO dungeons and dragons or frickin' computer games.

my dearest lolita,

[image: erol taskoparan]

dubonet red looks good on your lips,
please wear your red framed heart shaped glasses.

the shape of your breasts, like crescents

[image: matt good]

and life trundles forward
in a non-chalant fashion
a comatose doppleganger amidst the faceless crowds
you know, the stereotypical cinematic scene
of the rushing blurring city people
and you
standing there, unmoving unchanging...
i think of her thinking of me
a peace maker in bed
and I find more and more reasons
to burn scraps of paper
a sort of homage to a more comfortable existence.
Sitting alone on your bed today,
I became a harbinger of destruction.

Theme for "underwear funeral"

[image: mitzyedithprovo]

This is an unecessary post but I just wanted to say that I need to poo.
k, thx bye.

read!

this is such a kick ass inch worm

i just wish to paint, just let me go and be.

[image: laheringer]
[currently listening to: handsome boy modeling school - the truth]

I went to the Rime on friday for some turkish food. Unfortunately I missed out on beats without borders but I guess I'll catch some other local gig if I ever go back.. the place was kinda expensive and caters to a picky vegan/vegetarian crowd. Of all the sasc folk who showed up to this last event, I was the only person who ate meat... lamb to be precise and it was very yummeh (but it doesn't beat mayne island goat cheese and lamb burger).

I think I'm going through another phase of shallowness... I wasted so much time scrutinizing and yummy-fying dudes decked out in dior homme and raf simons. I've probably said this before but I'll say it again, given the right fitting and style, any man can look hot in a suit. Perhaps it's the small comments but I think my battle is hopeless... I don't think I'll ever be worthy of christian louboutin or anything sexy like that. Hell I can't even afford the extra few hundred dollars to make this whole europe trip work. Perhaps for the better, no one needs to be subjected to my fuggness.

While I'm at it, I just want to say that I RARELY drink... when I did on a few occasions a long time ago, I got drunk alone out of resentment/frustration/attention. I was unhappy putting up with incorrigible bullshit. As much of a soap opera Royce made reality seem to be, he has always been truthful. I cannot stand silent indifference, that air of indignancy... it's as if the false pretense of non-existent chivalry could be upheld through inaction. I have assumed the worst and I have my tolerance to blame. There will only be impressionable 16 year olds left to your disposal. Times like this I feel as though it sucks to have yellow skin... I'm even more ashamed to be a woman. A stereotyped nobody versus threats uttered behind the backs of high profile parents... like that, muffed out. Justice served on a fucking silver plate. That part of town is yours. My childhood has been hijacked, all the memories of safety are gone. I'm just so fucking angry right now because this will happen again and given societal misconceptions, the law doesn't mean a goddamn thing. Afterall, "a bitch should know her place and keep her mouth shut". Always justifiable excuses - straight out of a textbook.

Man, that was such a period-fueled rant.

a mother's journey

This is really powerful and heartwrenching...
http://www.sacbee.com/static/newsroom/swf/april07/mother/

best ever.

ladies and gentlemen,

nutella is the most wonderful invention ever. not that I recently discovered it or anything, I just wanted to reiterate that fact. The lovely folks at ferrero will always have a steady customer for their nutella and ferrero rocher products. Futhermore, dark chocolate will be the ultimate end of me. Maybe I'm trying to find a caffeine alternative but whatever the case, early morning dark chocolate and nutella-induced blogging will have to suffice.

this is probably negating all the running I've been doing the past week... I don't care.

in an attempt

man, I'm so tired... woke up so ridiculously early to stand outside in a line for 5 hours to apply for a passport @ the richmond branch. a chair, a thermos of hot drink, blankets, snacks and an umbrella are mandatory if you want to brave the lines for a passport. i kid you not, it's better than waiting for 10 hours at sinclair centre in vancouver. People are paying some of the city's homeless to stay in line for them.

passport fury

unbelievable. I woke up at 6 am thinking that I could garner myself a spot in the line up for a passport today at Sinclair Centre... Little did I know arriving half an hour EARLY prior to the office being open = minimum 6-7 hour estimated wait time just to get into the building. I met all kinds of people around me so it was kind of nice despite the pouring rain. I gave my big heavy duty umbrella away to this old man who spoke my native tongue because I couldn't stand the thought of him getting soaked through and through given his frail appearance. So, an hour and a bit into the line up I just left... no way I'm going to wait for that long in the midst of finals. Time to brave it again tomorrow morning... though this time... frickin' earlier. This backlog wouldn't have happened if the US didn't make it mandatory that all travellers crossing the border even by car, to have a passport. One thing is for sure - it's going to be a major blow to businesses on both sides of the border...

In other news, there is nothing more satisfying today than to have a kid proclaim he's figured out fractions because of this chant I get them to recite: BIG TIMES BOTTOM TIMES TOP. It's never failed yet. Times like this I want to give the kid a big star and a smelly sticker for added super effect. Cuz fractions... they just uber suck.

On a completely different note, my hip and knee joints hurt so much... on the road to premature gerontia? check.

too night, comforting dreams

[image: alina lebedeva]

warmth, a sensual warmth

of glutinous beef tripe

[currently listening to: bonobo - sleepy seven]

blah, dim sum @ kirin is really crappy now. If I keep up the habit of running for 45 minutes 3 times a week it should be okay. I think there's a huge concentration of melanocytes on my skin because there's already huge shorts tan-lines on my thighs... in this overcast weather? Ah well, I wouldn't be surprised to come home in August looking like a piece of coal... it's the southern genes kicking in - sunscreen time! I guess I'll go apply for a passport tomorrow... it's going to take 10 weeks for the darned thing to process. silliness!

30 days as a muslim

“If you save one life, you have saved all of humanity; if you take one life, you take all of humanity.”

apple juice, rainbows and vertigo

[images: film stills; the last unicorn (1982)]
(I was so traumatized by this movie)

glaaaarghblarghffffppppt
I'm feeling absolutely pukey and bloated right now. Reminds me of the time I saw this obscure french porno on the black box many maaany years ago that involved a mime in an orgy. I hate soft focus and 80s hair... bad connotations to apple juice boxes, puke and spinning around. man, I was such a rebel kid... though only rebel to a point - it was mandatory that the volume had to be turned down to minimum... paranoia was at an all time high. so much for secrets. what kind of kid wasn't curious? I just wished that I kept my stick people drawings of naked people with insanely long rainbow hair and pubes when I was like 5. I still remember because I stashed all the dangerous drawings in a pillow case package in the closet. my mom freaked when she found out. My birthday wish when I turned 6 was to have rainbow coloured hair that reached to my bum...that and a unicorn with a rainbow horn.

hey, every kid's gotta have a dream.
especially ESL kids that came out of montessori.

on another random note, i hate lucky charms marshmallows and root beer. do I still want to puke? yes I do.

quite content, sir

[image: michal macku]

i'm quite content, thank you, sir.
i am no longer the 16 year old youth
in your dreams of old.
framing stagnant optimism
of some glorious milestone.
keep searching speaking falling
for
sixteen bliss.
more free than the frame
that once outlined
some contrived echoed space.
16 forever.

RIP Kurt Vonnegut 1922-2007

"So it goes."

--Slaughterhouse-Five

of eastern european hookers

2 more classes this semester and I'm done for lectures...

4 more finals and 2 more papers to do then this semester has come to a close.

For the whole of May, Simon is off to Duncan for an entire month to do directed studies... I only have a week of break before I commence another round of physiology classes... it's going to be uber intense. 7 credits in under 2 months and they're the gut courses for this degree. After that, I want to go somewhere and enjoy the sun for once and frickin get back into shape. But for the meantime: zit faced, underslept, lard assed, crazy haired bag lady in action. Hyuh!

$1.135.00 left to go

[image: graffiti in paris somewhere]

I'm feeling like major trash right now. Nothing speaks trashy when a part of your boob spills out of an ill-fitting bra and the hair is bunched up into a glorious rat's nest. Money is temporary I know but I'm feeling somewhat stressed. I'm saving up so I can have a $50/day budget in a foreign country... for some reason, I think I'm lacking. Trains are kinda expensive... so are museums... so many things are fading from sight.

Ah well, we'll see

Morning, Thinking of Empire

[image: jess]

Morning, Thinking of Empire

We press our lips to the enameled rim of the cups
and know this grease that floats
over the coffee will one day stop our hearts.
Eyes and fingers drop onto silverware
that is not silverware.
Outside the window, waves beat against the
chipped walls of the old city.
Your hands rise from the rough tablecloth
as if to prophesy. Your lips tremble...
I want to say to hell with the future.
Our future lies deep in the afternoon.
It is a narrow street with a cart and driver,
a driver who looks at us and hesitates,
then shakes his head. Meanwhile,
I cooly crack the egg of a fine Leghorn chicken.
Your eyes film. You turn from me and look across
the rooftops to at the sea. Even the flies are still.
I crack the other egg.
Surely we have diminished one another.

--Raymond Carver

die da?

[image: _benedicte]
[currently listening to: Die Fantastischen Vier - Die Picknicker]

I can't wait to be greeted
by summer
at my feet.

よく見に来る人へ

よく見に来る人へ、

君 と会った事ないです。君と話した事ないです。君の声を聞いた事ない です。君の夢を聞かせてくれた事ないです。でも、聞きたいです。今ま で、今すぐ、生きていないみたいです。何をしていますか？こういう訳 で何を欲しいですか？人の夢を潰したら、自分の正夢となれるんです か？私はそれが生きる事では無いと思います。往事は往事です。今日の 現今で未来に見る方が良いんじゃないですか？この潰す事に体を張るの ですか？人生では痛い目があるけれども、その事について頻ると、皆は （君も付属）生きていけないんでしょう？ 何でこのページを毎 日何回も見に来るんですか？何を見たいんですか？何を言いたいんです か？「何を言いたい」と言う意味は’ウソじゃない’の意味です。「男 の子でした」とか聞きたくないんです。真理を聞きたい。良かったら、 ここに本当の言いたい事を(英語でも、日本語でも）書いて下さ い。でも、この苛める事は生きる事ではないんです。生きていけえ。自 分の人生を生きろよ。

--anonymous

thespian art

[currently listening to: Bonobo - Sugar Rhyme]

Today is the Qing Ming Festival, which so happens to fall on the same date as Easter Sunday this year. I didn't go to the cemetery this year to pray for dead. Twice a year, we bring oranges, incense, sweets, cookies and tea for the occasion. A cigarette is always lit and burnt away at the end just as an added familial touch.

Anyways, I can't wait until I get my laptop back from repairs. I'm really missing pandora right now. Starting monday, I'm inaugurating the utilization of lemons and giving up black teas and coffee for 2 weeks.

cultivating gardens

[image: jane; art journal circa '03]

tracing the figure 8
with a finger on rough bark
the tree traces back to me,
traces of memory.

ma fleur

[image: maya hayuk]
[currently listening to: cinematic orchestra - to build a home]

"Out in the garden where we planted the seeds
There is a tree as old as me
Branches were sewn by the color of green
Ground had arose and passed it's knees
By the cracks of the skin I climbed to the top
I climbed the tree to see the world "

i.n.v.u. rum

[image: jerry portelli]

half a tub of haagen daaz and a bag of chips later I am officially depressed. The whole trip for this summer is endangered because I can't come up with enough money to finance the extra mile. Trains are expensive and so is Paris. I don't want to have a shit time being constantly strapped for cash. And then there's the whole clashing of cultural values at home. For the time that's going to be spent, the "M" word was brought up, which sent me into a fury of frustration. Why the hell would I lock myself down with that burden at this age? I know full well the risks that are on the line but preaching to me about responsibility is fraught full of hypocrisy - especially when we're talking about financial responsibility.

I'm going on detox.

vancouver in time lapse

because I call this place home.

"Sans toi, les émotions d'aujourd hui ne seraient que la peau morte des émotions d'aut"

[images: rome in the winter]

Soooo, Simon's taking me to the UK, France, Italy and Austria/Germany this summer! Excited? Oh hells yeah! Good gosh, never thought I'd be celebrating my 21st birthday in Europe! My bank account will be empty though... ah well - memories are forever!

postcards to a fascist

[image: jane + film still]

maybe one day i will use this and send it to frank.

the case of the mysterious invisi-nipples

[image: dita von teese; penthouse]

areolas come in all shapes, sizes and colours... perhaps the most fascinating are the invisi-nipples - when the areola is almost the same shade as the surrounding breast tissue. I always thought that dita von teese had the most amazing body and delicious taste in stockings/corsets. But, given that she's always had nipple tassles on, closer examination from this month's Penthouse magazine (NSFW - I know, it's a real downgrade) revealed invisi-nipples in one shot. I am flabberghasted because it's a turn off. However, I still <3 my burlesque dancers - especially dita. So what can I say?

Of course, this prompted immediate examination of my own nipples and I don't know what to say about them. It's a painful love-hate relationship with my boobs. Furthermore, what is the general consensus on nipple piercings? I go through stages of wanting to get them done but in the end, I don't think that they'd look too hot on me. I guess it varies from person to person eh?