i just wish to paint, just let me go and be.

[image: laheringer]
[currently listening to: handsome boy modeling school - the truth]

I went to the Rime on friday for some turkish food. Unfortunately I missed out on beats without borders but I guess I'll catch some other local gig if I ever go back.. the place was kinda expensive and caters to a picky vegan/vegetarian crowd. Of all the sasc folk who showed up to this last event, I was the only person who ate meat... lamb to be precise and it was very yummeh (but it doesn't beat mayne island goat cheese and lamb burger).

I think I'm going through another phase of shallowness... I wasted so much time scrutinizing and yummy-fying dudes decked out in dior homme and raf simons. I've probably said this before but I'll say it again, given the right fitting and style, any man can look hot in a suit. Perhaps it's the small comments but I think my battle is hopeless... I don't think I'll ever be worthy of christian louboutin or anything sexy like that. Hell I can't even afford the extra few hundred dollars to make this whole europe trip work. Perhaps for the better, no one needs to be subjected to my fuggness.

While I'm at it, I just want to say that I RARELY drink... when I did on a few occasions a long time ago, I got drunk alone out of resentment/frustration/attention. I was unhappy putting up with incorrigible bullshit. As much of a soap opera Royce made reality seem to be, he has always been truthful. I cannot stand silent indifference, that air of indignancy... it's as if the false pretense of non-existent chivalry could be upheld through inaction. I have assumed the worst and I have my tolerance to blame. There will only be impressionable 16 year olds left to your disposal. Times like this I feel as though it sucks to have yellow skin... I'm even more ashamed to be a woman. A stereotyped nobody versus threats uttered behind the backs of high profile parents... like that, muffed out. Justice served on a fucking silver plate. That part of town is yours. My childhood has been hijacked, all the memories of safety are gone. I'm just so fucking angry right now because this will happen again and given societal misconceptions, the law doesn't mean a goddamn thing. Afterall, "a bitch should know her place and keep her mouth shut". Always justifiable excuses - straight out of a textbook.

Man, that was such a period-fueled rant.