i felt a cold shoulder brush against my cheek

[image: Melissa Cordova]

just keep running
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I cannot deny that I wake up scared. For the longest time I thought I could stand strong and defiant - steadfast in my beliefs. Bare foot on pavement, my legs were supposed to be roots. She told me to breathe slow and deep, but I've become too aware of my surroundings. I panic. I started to cry today when a stranger touched my arm.

I think I'm harbouring a heavy loathing for what I grew up to love. For the longest time, I thought I needed to prove myself. I am completely aware that my self esteem has gone to crap. The doubt and contempt that broods in the minds and mouths of temples, has made me question me. I feel the need to change myself. Perhaps materialize into someone uncaring and selfish. I didn't realize that smiling and extending kindness were considered faults.

I don't know... to the people who have gotten to know me... am I really that bad?