fidelio

[image: Kubrick; Eyes Wide Shut]

5 hours. and I don't know why... just keep scrubbing harder. There's always something left amiss, there's always some reason or some excuse... just leave me be and let me clean. There's so much to clean, Jane, there's so much to clean. this is so hard because I'm scared and I hate myself for it. With eyes wide shut, it doesn't matter what you do.

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the red dress with white polka dots.
I've also been thinking... I don't know what I want anymore. I think it's just searching out for companionship to make up for not being allowed to to play with kids afterschool while growing up. Perhaps I just want to be graced with the companionship and love from another woman and not from a man. But before even considering, I think it might be important to learn how to stand on my own... and just maybe, I'll learn to love myself.