backwards, pedalling

The things we touch have no permanence.
There is nothing we can hold on to
in this world.
Only
by letting go
can we truly possess
what is real.

-- Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon

One foot on either side of the line

They're not the easiest emotions to comprehend... It makes me wonder if there is even a line to separate the two: love and hate.

empty spaces

[image: Kyle Cassidy]

i dare you.
precious, meek and elegant.

Whilst William sits in Avalon
and the Jangolier strums away at his killing joke.
What trust is there left to forgive?

This picture makes me want to mother effing cry.

Aaaargh! My eyes!

My throat hurts so much from sneezing all day and I'm terrified of the next sneeze. To my knowledge, I don't have any allergies but sneezes, a runny nose and watery itchy eyes would beg to differ. So I took a darn allergy pill and the thing hasn't worked at all. Okay, I always thought that generic medication works but I've come to two exceptions thus far. Generic allergy pills don't work AND never take generic Neo-Citron.. christ, it tastes like liquefied plastic doll house.

damn you, IgE and your stupid mast cell degranulation.

pagan poetry

Black night is falling
The sun is gone to bed
The innocent are dreaming
As you should sleepy-head
Sleepy-head, sleepy-head
All the love above
I send into you
Comfort and protection
I'll watch over you
But don't ask me
What's gonna happen next
I know the future
I'd love to lead you the way
Just to make it easier on you
You are gonna have to find out for yourself

My
Dearest
Scatterheart
There is comfort
Right in the eye
Of the hurricane
Just to make it easier on you
You are gonna have to find out for yourself

All the hurt in the world
You know
There's nothing I'd love to do more
Than spare you from that burden
It's gonna be hard
If I only could
Shelter you
From that pain
Just to make it easier on you
You are gonna have to find out for yourself

--Bjork

wind blows and my joints ache

A descent into madness, I was so convinced.
Today, I gave up one one important part of my life: the red thread.
cobwebs and strings,
you're all tangled up in blue.

i smell like pee

This morning I had a urine lab for my human anatomy/physiology course. My prof was being awesome-sauce by giving us free beer at 9 am. Needless to say, I sorta felt like crap for the rest of the day because my tummy felt off and I smelled like pee. In high school, we did a similar lab but we had huge ass beakers to catch our pee. Now, girls + dinky plastic pee cups = disaster.
I dunno, I ended up peeing the most out of everyone in the class. And as everyone should know, booze has a diuretic effect, meaning you pee more than usual. Unfortunately, I turn so red >_<.

2 seconds to freedom

[image: madsky]

where does one find love in the dark?
blind but unbound -
to feel the fingertips of a stranger in an unfamiliar place
whispering words of chase.

2 seconds to freedom,
just as we're falling,
his hand touches mine like a bird's wing in flight,
What do we do now?
"Just enjoy it"

i am fragile, but not weak

i understand that this is hard... i am trying so goddamn hard right now
but sometimes i slip, relapse.
i can only clench my teeth and cry, frustrated
convulse as though posessed by a demon.
no, there nothing to understand is there? she's making things up.
over exaggerating..
fuck it.
i've just gotten to the point where I want to scratch my skin off,
turn inside out and be left as rotting carrion.
nauseous with frustration, i hate staring into the toilet again.

i don't want this. i hate this i hate this.
i simply want to move on. because,
i am so
tired.
of.
this.

everytime i close my eyes i can only hear.see.remember.
that stupid grin.
if i didn't speak and punctured my throat with a knife, that grin will still be there,
resonating, hissing to repeat it over and over again in the future,
and only commanding silence in return.
but because i spoke, that grin turned into a grimace full of daggers.
crying out no wrong,
demanding silence.

i may just be that weird fag chink from high school,
but you know what?
i know how to speak
and i will scream.

i'm sorry.
i spoke.
however one weighs that fact,
i have no shame.

jump higher

[image: Alexander Zadiraka]

No matter what, there is just so much beauty... so much to find beautiful. Saturate every single atom in your soul and sing. There is love and hope to find beautiful just over the horizon.

to a cowardly woman, your heart's been broken.

[image: mehmeturgut]

(sleepless because you're angry. just crack already. it feels wrong to live with yourself. follow the seams, the red thread. manifest. cold heavy metal: bullet, gun, velocity. molotov cocktail. you speak words only of broken glass. follow the fracture and just break.)


but,
i'm blind.

the omega

[image: Lithia]

lalala, registered for Organic Chemistry this morning. Has anyone taken Biochemistry 300 or has heard about its courseload? Probably a futile cry for help but whatevs... I don't know what the hell I'm doing anymore. Actually, does anyone know of someone or is doing a biology major at ubc? Do you think I could ask questions? *puppy eyes*

vigilante justice

You know what, only I have complete jurisdiction over myself and what I choose to do. Degradation, my ass. I am damn proud to call myself a feminist. I don't understand the negative connotations to feminists as a bunch of man-hating, self absorbed rug-munchers. Albeit, a small minority of women who think like that clearly does not represent the majority - it's just a goddamn stereotype.

I will walk around naked or topless on my own will if I feel like it.
What justifies anyone, guy or girl, to call another person a degrading bitch, whore or slut if she doesn't want to be touched or grabbed inappropriately? When a woman shows a little bit of skin or seems to act sexy, it doesn't mean she's asking for it. A girl can be naked and passed out, but that gives no right for anyone to violate her. Pardon my french, but I am just fucking pissed how men and women can internalize these ideas and double standards, thinking that it's okay to shrug off verbal and physical signs of inappropriate sexual oppression.

I guess some of you won't realize how wrong this is until the day you find this out for yourself or from someone close to you. When you have your dignity taken away, you will be in the position of complete and utter powerlessness. Your cries for help for people to listen will fall on the majority of deaf and naive ears. The law will stay silent. This is a man's world.

It's so easy to stay ignorant. And by staying passive, you are inevitably perpetuating this cycle of violence. But what the hell, this is just my opinion so you can think whatever you want. I just don't want anyone to experience what it's like to feel completely powerless. To feel limbless, blind and mute. No one deserves this.
no one.

cold wives and mistresses

"Dragging out the dead
Singing I miss you
Snakes and ladders flip the lid
Out pops the cracker
Smacks you in the head
Knifes you in the neck
Kicks you in the teeth
Steel toe caps
Takes all your credit cards
Get up get the gunge
Get the eggs
Get the flan in the face
The flan in the face
The flan in the face
Dance you fucker dance you fucker
Don't you dare
Don't you dare
Don't you flan in the face
Take it with the love its given
Take it with a pinch of salt
Take it to the taxman
Let me back
Let me back
I promise to be good
Don't look in the mirror at the face you don't recognize
Help me, call the doctor, put me inside
put me inside
put me inside
put me inside
put me inside"

--Radiohead, A Wolf at the Door
----------------------------------------------------------------

Drop out of school.
cry and scream,
2+2=5.
postpone.postpone.postpone.
I hate this skin

Split down the middle, I can't stand indecision.
There's a colony of ants brooding in my mouth;
+ every orifice.
the seams are ready to burst.

milk in a spoon to feed the
moon in my womb.
but
"Don't cry over spilt milk"
----------------------------------------------------------------

early morning vertigo

man was it rain-snowing hard today

Today was rough. I woke up at the time I promised myself I'd leave at. It was raining snow-rain so damn hard today and the car broke down on me during the highway stretch to school. The whole thing lost power so I pulled over, turned on the stupid emergency lights and just slept. I think there's a problem with the oxygen sensor in the gas tank... blargh. My dad eventually helped me out so I was able to get my ass to school. Matt was really cool with everything and let me write a quiz and let me go. I headed off to the SUB and walked through the art gallery.

for the rest of this life, I will picture the red thread and the trickster's weaves.
hope fragments,
One individual had done an interesting interpretation of memory.

I just left, thoughtful.
snapshots and photos.
eventually memory fades... like pictures.

I had a past

[image: jane; sketchbook '02]

I know I shouldn't think this... but I honestly wish I was violently bludgeoned or physically hurt to the point of near death. Even then, who will give two shits without getting their hands dirty? What does it take to stop this cycle of internalized acceptance of violence? I refuse to go down, silenced.

Above all, I am so utterly disappointed.

Theme for Father

[image: beantree]

Things Behind the Sun - Nick Drake
Please beware of them that stare
They'll only smile to see you while
Your time away
And once you've seen what they have been
To win the earth just won't seem worth
Your night or your day
Who'll hear what I say.
Look around you find the ground
Is not so far from where you are
But not too wise
For down below they never grow
They're always tired and charms are hired
From out of their eyes
Never surprise.

Take your time and you'll be fine
And say a prayer for people there
Who live on the floor
And if you see what's meant to be
Don't name the day or try to say
It happened before.

Don't be shy you learn to fly
And see the sun when day is done
If only you see
Just what you are beneath a star
That came to stay one rainy day
In autumn for free
Yes, be what you'll be.
Please beware of them that stare
They'll only smile to see you while
Your time away
And once you've seen what they have been
To win the earth just won't seem worth
Your night or your day
Who'll hear what I say.

Open up the broken cup
Let goodly sin and sunshine in
Yes that's today.
And open wide the hymns you hide
You find reknown while people frown
At things that you say
But say what you'll say
About the farmers and the fun
And the things behind the sun
And the people round your head
Who say everything's been said
And the movement in your brain
Sends you out into the rain.

I'm a sucker for these things

[image: brian wood; wartime]

I wish I had more time for comics.

k, TOO damn cute.

props to Beaty on this one!