*sniff*

School is over (for the time being). One can tell by the dank smell of man juice soaked panties and puke wafting from the sorority houses. Gawd, that's school. Gooooooooooooooo beta-sigma-phi-alpha!

News du jour: went biking yesterday with Serena and some creepy middle aged dude in a white Caravan stopped in the middle of the road with his windows rolled down and waved a huge pink dildo out of the window. I thought it was real. Jeebus, that was huge and disgusting. Now that I think of it, it was really funny. Should've taken down the license plate number. Avoid white caravans.

I'm re-taking biology because I failed my "mofo" ass out of that course first term. I'm kinda excited because viral phages are da bomb, yo (really).

I think it's party time. Okay, okay or not. I just wanted to say that.
Oh, and penes (plural of penis) come in all different shapes and sizes. Disgusting, really. Especially when they explode out of an ornamental ball. I wonder how that woman who did the Indy 500 managed to survive that fiasco. And why the heck do my arms feel grotesquely long and not mine? Spinach is cool. So is asparagus. I wonder how life would be like if everyone's pubic hair was green. lol, toooo funny.

What of God's silence?

Words of divine consciousness; moral exaltation; lasting feelings of elevation, elation, joy; a quickening of the moral sense, which strikes one as more important than intellectual understanding of things; an alignment of the universe along moral lines, not intellectual ones; a realization that the founding principle of existence is what we call love, which works itself out sometimes not clearly, not cleanly, not immediately, nonetheless ineluctably.

--Yann Martel's Life of Pi, pg. 70

fresh out of flaws

ohmygoodnessifeellikepukingoutmyfreakinggutsoutandiwishsomeoneorsomethingcouldsavemefromthishorriblemessthati'mgoingtofacetomorrow;thismaybeasbadasphysics.fucki'msosureifailedthatcrapandnowi'vegotmathtomorrow,ishould'vetakenmath105insteadanddostupidcommercemathwhichisjokaliciousrightnow.assoonasi'moutofthisexamtomorrow,i'mgoingtogohomeandeatsomeyogurttakeashowermaybeandheadoffonalonglonglongbikerideoutofherebecausei'mfeelinglikesuchafuckingfailurerightnow-personallyandtoothers.

All I have to say is this:

fuck.

Holy Strawberry, Batman!

ba ha ha ha ha ha

Gawd, I need to see that again.

tear fest 2005

I'm feeling like such a frustrated little grease-ball right now. I only slept for barely 2 hours last night trying to cram for f-ing biology. I hope my bio prof has a sense of humour (aka hooomer) in the adaptation and evolution of the penis in different species. Wrote an essay for my english final dedicated to sex last week. And chemistry? 2,2-dimethyl-5-iso-hexocyclo-1-propanol. easy shits y'all. kidding kidding. Now... physics and math left. I am literally going to bomb these two.

As of the past week, I've cried so much my eyes are so screwed up. (now imagine the amount of snot). Well not cry-cry - just tearing up.

I talked to Alvin - perhaps we both think too 4-dimensionally. Yeah, 10 years from now? 20 years from now? Oh screw that. It's all about grasping the moment and climbing over short-term goals. I need to adopt the work hard, play hard strategy... I think that's how some people are able to have so much fun right now (aside from getting shit-faced and laid anyway).
I've also been thinking a lot. How much I've just given up or neglected over the past few years... it works for some people, but my biggest regret is not staying in touch with certain individuals. I'm so eff-ing torn up over that right now. So conclusion, I'm not happy with myself on a emotional and physical level. It's duh haw-moans, I sweah! *peck on cheek*

I also need to apologize to Royce, I blew up on him.
... I've never done that to anyone, ever.

i cried for everything
that was beautiful

So what happened to our generation?

I'm feeling utterly disgusted right now. I came across this video clip and I'm left more convinced that our poor excuse of a generation is running itself to inevitable self-destruction. Why do you ask? Youth violence has always been around and it always will be around. But with the escalation of random teen swarmings and beatings, there's obviously something that we're doing wrong here.

I don't know what this generation is trying to prove. Is our justice system simply too lax on minors? If it's wrong to kick in the head of an infant, why is it not wrong or acceptable to beat the shit out of some random peer or stranger? Random beatings are absolutely senseless and no one walks out the merrier.

This is peer pressure and mob mentality of the most primitive kind.

in four minutes you will be gone and i must tell you why. when
a star crashes, the angels are electrified. your life changes
in ways you can't imagine. When your dreams are perfect, they
run like machines and leave you dizzy. when you first discover
you're dying, everyone seems to be saying goodbye. when your
dreams are perfect, they run like machines. you must change your
life. you are never ready. you must change your life. you are
never ready. there are people you have to leave behind, they
just dirty up your mouth they don't value your treasure. you
fall down, you kiss up, you love them, it's not enough. they're
nothing special and you're such a gift. if you had no magic here
you'd be just like everyone else. imagine the tragedy. you must
change your life. you are never ready. you must change your life.
you are never ready. love is like crying like writing like dying
you've got to do it alone. i know it's tragic to be tender i
know it's dangerous to be kind i know it's vicious to care.
listen to me, i know what's going to happen to you. you don't
need a window, you need a fire escape, you'll need a skylight
to get to where you're going. i can't tell you where. and you
dream that you are hollow and you dream that you are whole
reconstruct what you remember and it comes out in pieces. you
must change your life. you are never ready. you must change your
life. you are never ready. those below you can't hold you up
everyone is gone gone gone everyone is gone gone gone. learn
to swim alone learn to fly. you must change your life. you are
never ready. you must change your life. you are never ready.
cast them off like long rope and learn to swim the dark water
alone. look up to the stars stars stars and know that this is
your sky now. lift your arms and go step forward in nureyev
leap blink fast and whirr over streets hover over trees speed
past taxis don't even bother to wave at the children who watch
you awestruck brushing past skyscrapers and looking up up slip
off the long skirt that slows you down and don't look back to
watch it billow to earth tell the cool jets and superman that
you're passing them feel your hair stream back wind blinding
you forcing your dry mouth open no one can touch you now get
out of this fucking world as fast as you can.

[nicole blackman]

--Katia

in my mind

I'm
just a little uncomfortable,
lying there - aware
of the fact, that the Silence.
can be cut
with the dull edge of a knife.

And...
I will say your name, and
You will say mine.

In between diplomatic affairs and personal matters.

I feel like ranting. Today's topic: cell phones.

I have absolutely nothing against owners of cell phones. I accept the fact that technology is progressing and I won't deny the fact that I will adapt to these changes. But there's a difference between a NEED and a WANT, especially when it pertains to f-ing cell phones. Firstly, I don't need a cell phone. As a student, I can survive fine using pay-phones if I need to reach someone. My priorities don't rely 24-7 using those goddamn things. I'm not in the position to say that I'm ready to shell out $20 + a month to deal with service charges and air time. I don't have a job. Try driving a car. Try insurance. I'm subsidized by parents for the meantime but they're expecting every last penny back. I won't deny the fact that using a cell phone makes life a tad bit easier in terms of being reached/calling out but it's not something I need. So maybe I'm not a social butterfly.. so what? I'm just tired of being told I need to get one or told that I'm the only person who doesn't have one. It simply just reaffirms the fact that we've gone up another rung on this ladder of technology dependence. I'm quite comfortable using a home computer and a home phone for the meantime, thank you. I don't need another object to reaffirm this dependence and air of superiority. If anyone needs to reach me, you can call my home phone... you can even leave a message on the answering machine if need be and I'll reach you back as soon as possible.

Fight for Tomorrow - David Choe

You're fully aware of your existence when you stand there in the crowd.
The culture of commerce and the traditional tongue,
All wrapped around your finger.

I want to go to Japan one day.
In other news... I'm kind of feeling listless. I'm not studying and I don't feel like studying. And it's getting harder to breathe. And you know that love/hate relationship? Yeah, I'm feeling disgusting right now. I've been told that I'm careless. And that's totally true.

extricate.

Rape is fun.

"Rape is really fun. It's all your fault, bitch. You asked for it."

---------------
My name is Paul Sutton, and I am the Safety Coordinator for the AMS (UBC Student's Union). I was also the Safety Coordinator for Arts County Fair, and am trying to collect information from/refer to services people who were victims of violence (especially sexualized violence) at Friday's Arts County Fair event.

Arts County was staffed by four volunteer roving Safety Squads, 147 private-security officers, upward of 50 RCMP officers, and 4 roving medical teams. And yet, by 5pm, it was impossible to patrol this event. At the Safety Tent, a safe space for overintoxicated/patrons victimized by violence, we dealt with too many to count overserved patrons, three cases of sexual assault, and one arrest of a patron spiking drinks.

I am writing to reach out to people who were victimized by violence at Arts County Fair or afterward. I am attempting to collate testimony that will be presented in my transition report to the Arts Undergraduate Society, Campus Security, the RCMP, the Vice-President Students' Office, and possibly the mainstream press. I am committed to maintaining your anonymity, if you so choose.

Also, if you are a survivor of violence (especially sexualized violence) suffered at Arts County Fair or afterward, I am the point person for referral to counselling/other victim services. Please feel free to email me any time at safetypaul@ams.ubc.ca.

Remember: violence is never a survivor's fault. There are plenty of services available to you, and you are not alone.

Best regards,
Paul Sutton
AMS Safety Coordinator

When I'm not busy trying to remember IUPAC Nomenclature for chemical compounds

I'm on here blogging.

Because I feel a little out of breath,
strung out upon a clothes line, billowing and
forgotten.

I'm incapable of doing anything productive in front of the computer. I need it though, as a resource to study because wannabe high tech saavy profs at school make things so difficult. WebCT is unreliable as of late. Distractions are terrible. My grandma is moving in again tomorrow and I shall be expecting a warzone of yelling from my mom after a few weeks. The cultural clash and misunderstanding is ridiculous. I don't know how my dad puts up with this. Oh yeah. Strawberries. ba ha.

I've also been thinking. Is UBC really all that great? Renowned for its ground-breaking research (ie. mapping out the genome for the rhodo-something-bacteria capable of safely digesting PCBs and other toxins) and immaculate funding.. this all really seems like a farce. I know that this is probably childish complaints coming out of the arse of some misguised first year but the competitition is ridiculous. On average, some 500 people apply for a program like microbiology or biochemistry and only 20 people get accepted? You've a crap load of people with nowhere to go afterward and armed with a general science degree, which is absolutely useless in today's skewed society. Time is better spent at an institution like BCIT because you are pretty much guranteed a respectable paying job after a few years.

And another thing: Why the hell do people think going into nursing is damn useless and "not worth it"? Oh right, I forgot... all nurses are supposed to change your diapers or give you a sponge bath when you get old. I'm tired of all this bashing. But at the same time you can shoot me for complaining. 300 people to apply next year and only 50-60 get in? This is going to require more than luck.

This tired hypocrite is going to bed.

Arts County Fair

Regarding the Arts County Fair...

Not really all that exciting being a concert virgin. (food was tooooo expensive) The copious amount of booze, booze-spilling, puking and weed/smoke was so ew - you're fully aware that you're sober. Highlights of this event was the topless lady in the skirt. Bands were alright, I suppose. Though Matt Good still made it all worthwhile in the end, despite almost walking off stage because of shoes, a wrench, and shit thrown towards the stage. *shrugs*. In the end, it was still an experience. Will consider going to next year's ACF only if there's bands I like. Otherwise this thing is just a total booze-fest. Whatever happened to live music?
--------------------------

14 - Engl 110 12- 3pm
16 - Chem 123 8:30 - 11 am
18 - Biol 121 8:30 - 11 am
20 - Phys 101 8:30 - 11 am
22 - Math 105 8:30 - 11 am

Fucked for physics and math. On the bright side, no more of any of that crap ever again.

Let the studying and late-nighters commence.

Porcelain eclipsed

To dip your fingers in warm sand

is like tracing your finger along the smooth curves of a woman...
leaving behind a trail of words full of sweet sensation.

in beauty and elation

I'm just stealing a whole post from an artist named Katia.

----------------------
snapshot of a moment..

do you ever fall in love with someone.. just for moments.. just in passing.. ?
i do, all the time..
i fell in love with anti-hero as he swayed slightly, eyes closed, while listening
to this pianist play classical music on a street corner in downtown seattle.

it made me feel so beautiful to see him

Stop.

right on the street.

and give himself up so fully
to the music..

to the moment.

beautiful
beautiful
Life.

Last of the Ghetto Astronauts

--Storm the Wall some while ago... I had no clue this was taken. I wonder if anyone wants to do this with me? Or I'll just stand on the sidelines like with every event. Better to be the safe observer than to bask in this so-called "time of our life". I don't belong in university. This is not where I thrive.



So anyways, I think I need more colours in my wardrobe. I open up my closet and drawers only to see black. However, I still remain adamant that I won't purchase or wear any new clothes of any sort until I deal with these hilarious thighs and arms. Which will inevitably be like, never. Tee hee, I love being insecure. Heart problems and diabetes is what I'm probably going to face in the near future. I love and hate this body at the same time. This is what goes through the mind of a woman. Stay away. It's not even PMS either.

Or maybe this is a desparate cry for attention. I would just like to talk to someone, lest I do something terribly stupid.

Does anyone even read this crap? <3

I miss new wave

so impossible
the doubt in the everything, on everything
is so impossible

so load up and keep marching
the push is on

I wept for the sea and for blasphemy

There is a smooth stone in my mouth that once belonged in my belly. Its' texture is soft and round, so loving and comforting. I dare not move it around in my mouth too much for it will shatter my teeth. But rest assured, my dear friends, for this small stone is cradled quite comfortably on the centre of my tongue and sheltered from the harsh environment of the outside world. Should I speak? Shall I risk the loss of the pacifying properties of this loonie-sized stone? I wish to speak to God. He is nestled in my mouth, looking in.

Words and letters can mean a lot of things, but none speaks more clearer than the peace of mutual understanding.

this house of smoke and mirrors

Before he left, she just wanted to say,
"I miss you."