bzzr, cider, matt, music

Art County Fair, anyone interested? April 8th, last day of school @ Thunderbird Stadium
Line up includes: Matthew Good, K-OS, Metric, Stabilo, Tupelo Honey
$14

http://www.artscountyfair.com/what.html

I'm still not quite old enough for booze. hooray 18.
I need to crash sometime soon. cabin fever's making me snappy and bitchy.

She was a gypsy woman

Easthampton, Massachusetts - sunday february 27th 2005

so phucked. for tomorrow.
But it's times like this I feel a little apathetic, a little uncaring -
and Just so carefree. *sniff* I'm still upset over missing Don's appearance.

My Spoon is Too Big

HOLY CRAP!!

Don Hertzfeldt is going to be here tonight with a whole showcasing of his Bitterfilms!!! I'm going ecstatic over this fact and my unavailability. OH MY GOSH. Heh.

damn physics exam. I'm going to fail it tomorrow anyways.. what to do, what to do. Geez, I admire this guy's quirkiness and his legacy that is the infamous spoon and the flying ticks that fly out of one's nipples. Why couldn't I have found out earlier. *le sigh* such is life.

GAH!

Oh no

http://spaces.msn.com/members/carefulcatastrophe/

Forward Expression

Yucano by Vidi

Whoa... that is one powerful image in posture and movement. The composition is balanced. It reminds me of a struggle for ascent.

---------------
In other news, I bought soap yesterday. Pink dove soap is just soooo delicious smelling. I also watched a couple of movies yesterday to my heart-wrenching dismay. Aliens 3 and Kung Fu Hustle (the Stephen Chow one). Ridiculous, the both of them.

So to purge myself, I want to watch American Beauty again... one day I suppose. I've also realized that the majority of movies I watch are done so alone. The analyzation/discussion afterwards is usually the best part. provocative/alluring/beautiful - Reflective of the social construct and of the human psyche. and I often wonder why I bawl my eyes out. Ha ha. Jane, you're such a nincompoop... go take another bath.

My belly full of sin.

I don't know what to make of myself sometimes.
I guess all I want is attention. From someone or anyone.

So I trip. repeat the past
and end up hurting myself. Curled up in a corner of the bathroom at 4 am, just crying.
Because it simply comforts me
in the dark.
Other times, I feel invincible.
Convinced that I can make it through any obstacle.

I'm not fantasizing about suicide or being beaten. I fantasize over make-believe stories - of little tea parties with dolls and teddy bears. I talk with them endlessly for hours. Sharing laughter and giggling over menial things. They were the very reason why I had dreams. Because like my demons in the past, they provided me with the comfort that I was wanted - that I needed to be used.

I can't give up on myself now. I just don't have anything to talk about at the moment. But after everything, I'll admit that I have come a long way. And I couldn't have done it without them. Tomorrow is another day. Chin up and face the sun.

She's just gorgeous.

One day, I would like to see the world.

mouldy. air

I need some more acetaminophen and something hard to drink.

something about last night.

Let not our babbling dreams affright our souls;
Conscience is but a word that cowards use,
Devised at first to keep the strong in awe;
Our strong arms be our conscience, swords our law!
--Shakespeare, Richard III, V.3.309-312

And not due to insecurities

I don't know what happened in the car today driving people home. But it was the weirdest feeling, as if my heart had literally skipped a beat and a huge beat followed it. I had to pull over to catch my breath... it hurt.

Which concludes: Jane must eat more proportioned quantities, exercise more, fuck diets and just eat balanced.

This sounds obsessive and self-absorbed. But you know, I just HAD to blog this.

smooth

Know

that in between organic
and synthetic,
we're still suspended.

Pink.

---------
If I were to ask whether the human race would be worth remembering if the world came to an end, would you say yes? There are so many moments worth remembering, and so many things worth loving. Some of the most talented and beautiful people are often haunted by their own ghosts - driven by abandonment by ears and eyes that see no substance. How does one evaluate the success in personal fulfillment? Free will and taking life by our own choices?

Nick Drake, Elliot Smith, etc... How easy was it to take away their own lives.
And yet, after the dust has settled... I won't remember them for what they wrote or sang, but what they didn't. Just a sigh to this humanity, unfulfilled.

And I was strong, strong in the sun
I thought I'd see when day is done
Now I'm weaker than the palest blue
Oh, so weak in this need for you. --Nick Drake, Place to Be

I know how that feels at night

"All men, like birds, must die"

that is... the ugliest look I've ever seen

way to go, lancelot. That's disgusting.

So anyways... spring break was no crazy mardis gras titty baring drunkeness. But all is well... I actually did school work and put on 5 more pounds. I should've done more stuff during the first half of the break, but you know. Nothing happens when I do make plans. Mmm, LotR marathon kinda dissolved after the first movie, lol.. 9:30pm to 9:30am was not a good idea. Good time all the same. Cronos still has good pizza... I swear, 8 or 9 slices of pizza and still room to breathe is enough for me. I've been tea binging for the past couple of days just to flush my system - oh deario. Mmmm, I've got a bio midterm tomorrow. Kinda unsure of how to take this.. it's going to be frantic memorizing tonight and tomorrow morning. Chemistry's coming along... hopefully. and it's wet lab this week for chem and physics... aka, the shit weeks. And as of now, I'm past knee-deep fucked for the physics midterm coming up next tuesday.. I just realized.

And that's all I have to report on. Hands will just have to stay away from sleep-inducing parts. This week's theme is: resist
More later - ciao sexy bubbers

it was all a

bl uur

lime, eh?

My angst tastes like...

Lime
Find your angst's flavor


Sour yet intriguing, your angst is of the romantic variety. You probably spend a good portion of your time daydreaming about that one person you want, how your first date would be, how you'd love to do certain things, and above all how everlastingly happy you would be together. While there's nothing wrong with this, you know that it's unhealthy to spend too much time dreaming and not enough time in reality, and to build lofty goals and fantasies that no actual person could ever hope to achieve. Try to center yourself and cut back on time spent in your fantasy life; you may find out all that experience creating romantic moments has made you quite the charmer if you would only try!

lol, jeebus, too much time on here

i've got

no drive
for awhile.

not even for valentines.

and the air is getting old.

But I am looking forward to a raz-ma-taz day tomorrow... better sleep soon.
and drink myself to sleep.
growing metastasis.

Yes! But the Metro is still down :(

Optimisitic

I hate lists, but it's going to have to do.

- finish chem. problem set 3
- finish supplementary chem problem 1 + 2
- finish reading Richard III
- e-mail John et al and complete chem lab
- prep physics lab
- e-mail Tara regarding poems
- finish reading and taking notes on population ecology
- finish reading and taking notes on community ecology
- memorize biol like a f'ing mofo.

Hopefully I'll get to the other chapters and problem sets for chem soon enough. Time to increase delta H to decrease delta S. GO GO GO!

gib mir deine hand und spir mit mir...

plz. k, thx.

visual masturbation

tri < fingers
o n t h e k e y b o a r d . . .
+ 1
unzippered grin

"oh baby doll"

ffffff-fffff

ck!!!!!

(!)

----------------
Like 2 cherries. my eye is still kinda fucked. with a twitch. I took down the christmas lights todayand my fingers hurt frome the rusty staples. shadow's fixxed income.

<3

[Elliot Smith - Say Yes]

I'm in love with the world through the eyes of a girl
who's still around the morning after

it's always been wait and see

and I could be another fool or an exception to the rule
you tell me the morning after
crooked spin can't come to rest
I'm damaged bad at best
she'll decide what she wants
I'll probably be the last to know
no one says until it shows and you see how it is
they want you or they don't
say yes

---------
What a catchy tune. And what a nice day!

so I did nothing

an extended metaphor is called conceit

My mind has settled for the clearer, but what has my heart said since the beginning?
An extended metaphor is called conceit - as so found in this journal, if you've picked it up in
Pieces, fragments - as I see in his eyes,
my reflection
Not found. And I caught glimpses of this impenetrable beauty
that i've secretly admired.
So I sit here crying familiar tears of happiness and joy
torn between the moment and wearied by future.
Between the burden of intuitive knowledge and the weightlessness of the current.
I'm confusing I know... but I remain steadfast for now
as I clutch in my hands, the book of discontent.
I'm smiling, we're smiling.. and my heart is racing so fast
in parallel to tears,
down the sides of two faces.

I still feel unsettled.
O! Exhalt young love.
I'm so happy for you.

fake a lie by bittertaste

Faking lies by bittertaste.

Why must tim be sofa king hot? I actually talked to him today, but I was suddenly transformed back to a blubbering idiot. More generally, why must some of these up and coming chemistry boys be so l33t? C'est impossible, Jane.. impossible. ethanol group chains in their scent, probably... OR OLD SPICE.

But anyways, Happy Rooster everyone. I hope you got your cards okay? Small things, and if it's +ve, I think I might continue this little drill of mailing letters. intimate in a non-intimate way, I like.

So it's Reading break... aka Spring Break and everyone's partying like crazies (I so want those mardis gras beads). I guess I'll wait till I'm 19. I'm sure it'll be an utter disappointment, lol - silly rides and distance. I'd like to spend time with people I know and can feel comfortable around. I've got 3 midterms after the break. Forget potential movies a la theatre, laser tag, sushi or paint balling in Tsawasswen. life is perpetually on hold. I don't work hard-play hard. I snail around.

I seem to have a knack for screwing things up. Sue from the Sunday Night Sex Show came to school last week. I missed that too. I'm sorry I have a midterm on monday, guys... otherwise saturday sunday could work for lotr. I royally suck.

little wonder why I spend friday evenings alone in my room sitting in front of the computer, lol.

I will not let you go

smelling aromatic textures

lounge music tea

I feel like a long long run in the spitting rain...
then settle back into a hot bath that smells yummy.
I won't make it through tomorrow' physics lecture for sure... then again, there has not been 1 full class where I've been completely awake. SKIP.

So it's gay pride week at school. I missed V-Day yesterday... aka Vagina day, where chocolate vaginas were sold on sticks for valentines. 'Twas sweet, but I missed it :( So novel, lol.

I really would like that bath... then tuck myself into bed for some delicious sleep all warm, with my feet looking like piping red hot lobsters. Mmmmmm.

Effing math midterm.

influx

unparallel

marquee showdown at high noon

High Noon

I don't pre-read anymore.
And I don't know what I want to be anymore.

But I'm loving this music and in the mood for a zesty jive on a black and white checkered floor at Fenner's Restaurant.

I like bussing and studying the faces of the people around me. Is time of the essence? We're on the commute to nowhere. I'm just amazed with the complexity of the individual - so organic. Book in hand, but I'm absorbed in reading the lines on the face of the man beside me... the pretty-faced woman and the chap with a slightly dented nose.

I wonder what the next chapter tomorrow will be about.

Yellow meat

It's because your skin is yellow,
not white and pure like an oleander in full-bloom.
Such is this life, so green with commerce.

It was hardly a regal ending,
but it's a heroic beginning.
-----------

*sigh*

"just don't look down, don't look down, it'll be alright"

In short, today was extremely shitty.
I won't expand on it any further than that.
Just angry tears and a tight throat.
feverish and reckless.
\\

my incompetence. <3 f'ing alloy wheels

what a mess

marvellous mess.
So I woke up a couple hours after falling asleep next to the phone... Too much sodium in my diet I suspect.. and over-eating. Because I'm still feeling over-stuffed as well as physically looking bloated and swollen at my hands feet and face like I've been repeatedly punched. Fascinating how your body works to dissipiate heat. screw the rice cakes and chips. It's time to revert to fruits and veggies and granola and yogurt. Jeebus, I'm thirsty thinking about it. Oh, shit no.

Cher Mama

chapped lips and dinosaurs

[DJ shadow - Midnight in a Perfect World]
Goodness me, I'm on here yet again... updating and sharing some sort of exclusive secret. There's a lot to do but I still procrascinate. It's okay, lol. I guess I'm entitled to this whateverness since all my midterms fall after reading break... and after all is said and done, I forsee myself blowing it all off. But first and foremost, I'll get to my better priorities... that letter writing. I daydream far too often. Jeebus, if anyone got into my head for just a few hours, you'd be on the floor convulsing or locked up in a dark room praying that no one will find you. It's stupendously terrifying.

I think the remedy for this is to make a list of short term goals and meet them. The satisfaction of crossing something off is such an 'ooooh, yes' feeling.

So goodness me,
the clock has struck
alackaday, and fuck my luck

The titration lab was easy to say the least... just hectic and I sniff made up values around the corner. *chuckles* And as Alvin shared: "Look but don't touch; touch but don't taste; taste but don't like". Heh heh - There's hotness in some people, but if you don't smell right... *awkward look*

Umm, ANYWAYS, in other news... Hotel Rwanda was an excellent movie (though I'll probably poke at it from technicality's sake)... Don Cheadle's performance was excellent... c'est magnifique. At least it gives some sense of awareness after the whole tsunami business. No tourists = no media. 20,000 dead each day in africa x 7 days = your tsunami. Ah, such is life. Let's be media whores, I think it'll benefit everyone in the long run. Though all of this contradicts the schmelt that my biology teacher spews out. paradoxical. we all can't be heroes.

catching orbs